Who's the dirtier fighter? Queendom.com Releases New Gender and Age Research on Arguing Style
Queendom releases results from their study on how couples fight, and reveals which gender is more likely to resort to dirty tactics.
MONTREAL, CANADA (MARKETWIRE) -- June 14, 2011
Queendom.com, one of the web's foremost sources of personality, career, and IQ assessments, unveils some interesting results of their Arguing Style Test. Their study results reveal gender, age, and relationship differences in regards to how people view and approach conflict resolution.
"If you argue with a woman and win," warned one anonymous author, "you lose."
It isn't easy for men. Women often wonder why their boyfriend's or husband's eyes glaze over whenever they bring up a problem with the relationship. They wonder why the volume on the TV suddenly gets louder, that leaky faucet suddenly needs to be fixed, or that speck of lint on their partner's shirt suddenly becomes the most fascinating thing to look at. Well, recent research released by Queendom may shed some light.
After assessing data from more than 37,000 test-takers, Queendom's arguing style study reveals that women are more likely than men to use negative fighting tactics like swearing (37% of women vs. 27% of men), allowing old grudges to resurface (39% of women vs. 22% of men), and "hitting below the belt" (33% of women vs. 30% of men). Men were also more likely to want to find a resolution that benefits both parties (60% of men, 54% of women) and to be willing to apologize to their partner if they know they're wrong (70% of men, 67% of women).
"Some women can have sharp tongues," admits Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of the company. "Perhaps in an effort to be heard and to make a point, they'll resort to less-than-honorable tactics, which of course, certainly doesn't help the cause. The bottom line is, if there are women out there who wonder why their boyfriend/husband doesn't want to discuss things, it may be time to take a serious look at how they argue with them. 'Am I being too critical?' 'Am I allowing him to relay his side of the story?' These are the questions we need to ask ourselves…this applies to both men and women, as neither gender is completely immune to throwing in a little cheap shot now and then. "
Queendom 's data also reveals that while negative fighting tactics tend to decrease with age, younger age groups (24 and under) tend to have a more positive attitude towards fighting, believing that they "come out as better people after a fight", that fighting is "sometimes necessary", and that it's better to have an argument than to "bottle up negative feelings". In terms of relationship status and length, those in a relationship but not married, had a more positive attitude towards fighting than married couples and single people. Interestingly, positive fighting tactics and positive attitude toward fighting tended to decrease as relationship length increased, but this difference was much more pronounced for people who were already quite dissatisfied with their relationship.
"For happy couples who have been together for several years, it's more likely that the frequency of fights decreases," surmises Dr. Jerabek. "In the beginning of a relationship, there's more to argue about - money, finances, where to live, how to raise children, etc. - so it's not too much of a surprise that younger couples tend to view fighting as more of a blessing in disguise, at least when all is said and done. As a couple gets older however, they learn how to fight with their partner, and they'll make more of an effort to not hurt one another with negative, petty arguments. Couples who have been together for longer may not necessarily hate arguing - they just don't feel the need to make a big deal out of things that at one time may have bugged them. After a while, you just learn to deal with your partner's idiosyncrasies."
Not surprisingly, couples who are happy with their relationship are more likely to use positive tactics when fighting, focusing on finding a mutually-beneficial solution and encouraging their partner to open up. On the other hand, couples who consider fighting a serious problem in their relationship were more likely to fight dirty.
Other interesting tidbits from Queendom's study:
Those who wish to take the Arguing Style Test can go to: http://queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=673.
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