Depressed and failing school

Dear Livia,

So glad you wrote to us for some advice. I'll try to help as much as I can, based on your brief letter.

I like to think of counseling as "healthy conversations," so I'll be responding to your letter line-by-line, as if we were in a real conversation... (The words in italics are yours...)

So here goes...

Livia

I recently started school at a new university, for the summer quarter. I am only registered for two classes, and I haven't been attending. The reason is because I have no drive. Nothing matters anymore. Ultimately, I feel nonexistent in this life.

Tony

Just what you have said so far says that you are quite depressed. These statements are very serious, especially the ones like "nothing matters" and "I feel non-existent."

Livia

I saw a psychologist for a while, but my mother interfered too much, so I quit.

Tony

You need to find a therapist your mother has NOTHING to do with! (Did this therapist invite your mother to talk with them? If so, did they ask you first if you wanted this to happen..? A 20 year old should certainly have the right to decide about this for herself...)

Livia

Then I was prescribed Buspar and Paxil, mostly for social anxiety disorder and heart palpitations.

Tony

I just need to say that I am not an M.D., so I can't say anything at all about medications... I certainly will say, however, that if you even suspect that you have serious health problems like those involving your heart, you need to follow a good medical doctor's advice regardless of your emotional problems. (Emotional problems do tend to get better over time, even without a therapist. Therapists just help us to get over things a lot more quickly, and more thoroughly... But physical problems tend to get worse without medical attention, often a lot worse!)

Livia

I don't feel like they help. The only time I go out is to drink or do drugs. I avoid all social encounters where these are not present.

Tony

What does your doctor say about the drinking and drugs?! Are you taking a chance on dying? (I'm not totally anti-drugs or anti-alcohol... but already you have said that you feel horrible emotionally, you are on medication for a heart problem, and you drink and use drugs...! This makes it seem very possible that you are taking a horrible risk, especially if you are over-drinking or using drugs to any extremes...)

Livia

My mother informed me today that if I don't have A's in both classes, they will not finance college or rent anymore.

Tony

If she interferes in your life greatly, this might actually be best for you in the long run. (If your mother uses money to try to control you, I'd suggest that you do your best to pay for your own education, even if it means dropping out for a year or to save money... It's YOUR education, not hers!)

Livia

I couldn't tell her I will have F's.

Tony

When did you start to feel so bad? When did you stop attending classes?

Livia, you will need to understand the problems you are talking about in this letter "in a context"... What I mean by this is that they aren't just about "something being wrong with you"... They are about how you feel as a result of things that have actually happened to you, things that are either still going on in your life or that happened in the past and you haven't recovered from them... The only hint I have in this letter about what this might be is the fact that you mentioned how controlling your mother is, so that's my only guess... But you need to talk to a good therapist (online if you like or in person if possible) to figure out what you are coping with in daily life and what can be done to help you have a BETTER life.

Livia

I don't know what I'll do. I feel nothing matters, because I have an imminent (though non-suicidal) feeling that I will die soon.

Tony

I read at an Internet site that many people with heart problems have a "feeling of impending doom"... I am concerned that this COULD be what you are referring to here! Make SURE you have getting excellent medical care and that your doctor knows about this feeling that you have... (It might be a good idea, actually, to just print out this letter with both of our words in it and let your doctor read it... You might also let your therapist read it when you have one...)

Livia

I eat a small meal once a day.

Tony

Are you anorexic or bulimic? Have you ever been evaluated for these things?

Livia

I fall asleep around 7 am and sleep until 4 in the afternoon. I am sick most of the time.

Tony

What kind of "sick"? Weak from lack of food? Something else?

Livia

Am I just lazy, or is this void I feel really a serious depression?

Tony

It sounds like serious depression...

Livia

I've tried to kill myself in the past, but feel well over that stage now.

Tony

I hope you've made a firm decision that you would never commit suicide... and I'm glad to know you feel over that stage now...

Livia

Is this feeling that I will die soon part of depression?

Tony

Maybe... but it might be part of a heart problem too!

Livia

How can I take control of my life again, and start to exist again?

Tony

By relying on those who care about you... A good doctor; a good therapist; and eventually friends and family... Livia, this is all VERY serious stuff. I am very glad that you took this step to write to us for help, but you definitely need a lot more help than anyone can provide through e-mail alone. PLEASE call right now for an appointment with an MD and a psychotherapist. If I can help you to find a good therapist, just let me know. (My e-mail and web site addresses should be coming up soon...)

I'd appreciate it very much if you'd contact me after you have made these appointments, to tell me how things are going, what your physical health is, and how your relationship with your therapist is going.

Sincerely,

Tony Schirtzinger