Could you please tell me if I'm bisexual or not? I had a weekend sleepover round my house the other week and on the Friday night I was flirting with my 16 year-old girlfriend all night and after nearly everyone went to bed we went to my room and had a really good shag and she came three times. (I know I'm underage but I just want you tell me whether I'm straight or not).

Anyway on the Saturday night my girlfriend went home at about 11:00 pm because she wasn't allowed to stay both nights. After that I went to bed and my best mate walked in to my room and said he wondered if I had a condom that he could borrow because he had ripped his when he tore the packet open. After looking in my brother's room I came back with one and gave it to him. Then as I was getting back into bed he told me to stop and get out of bed. Why I asked, and he said he wanted to show me something. I got out and he pulled out his dick and asked me to suck it, I said no but he grabbed my head and forced me down. When he finally got it in my mouth he must of been really aroused because he shot his load straight away. I didn't want it to but my cock started getting hard and he ended up sucking me off and I enjoyed it.

Does this mean I am gay or bisexual? I would like to know where I stand and we haven't spoken to each other since the incident and I just want to speak to him about it.

Eddy (14 year-old man) from London, England

It sounds to me like there are two issues here.

First of all, your sexuality. It is very common for younger people to experiment with sex. During the your developing teenage years you have experienced loads of different changes in your body like the development of pubic hair, underarm hair, and perhaps even the beginning of facial and chest hair, your testes settling into the scrotum, and perhaps some muscular definition. These are all indicators that your body is no longer a child's body, and that you've passed puberty and are now on the way to being an adult.

Part of this journey towards being an adult is to define your own emotional responses, your inner self and how you can relate to people. I can imagine that over the last couple of years you have begun to be aware that one day you may want to leave your family home and become more independent. But on the way to this goal would be for you to test the water so to speak as far as how much independence you can exhibit while you are still at home. This is where arguments can happen between family members.

Along with developing your emotional maturity I can see that you are now experimenting with sex. Sex is an important part of our lives and it is an important part of any intimate relationship. As far as the types of sex that you have this will be determined by what you have seen or learnt about over the last fourteen years. This education will continue, and if you are astute enough then you will be able to continue this learning curve about sexuality for the rest of your life. Having sex with another person can include all of your morals and values that you are establishing. For some people having sex means simply meeting a person of the opposite sex, enjoying the rites of marriage, and having "straight" sex in the missionary position for the rest of their lives. For some people, the only way that they can have sex is to threaten or rape another person. Everybody has their own level of morality, and what you have to do is find out what you really think is OK and not OK. There are loads of people in this world that are bi-sexual. Sexuality can be determined as a fluid part of our lives that can change by the way we are feeling and thinking.

But many teenagers will have experiences of having sex with a member of the same sex, and then continue their lives enjoying sex with members of the opposite sex. If you have just had this experience and even enjoyed having this experience, this is not necessarily an indicator that you are gay or bi-sexual.

The second issue that I can see in would be that of the way your male friend treated you. The way that you wrote your posting, it sounded like there may have been some level of force or non-consent on your behalf. This is a separate issue.

If your friend did force you to have sex this is something that you may need to talk with someone about, as it will effect the way that you are feeling, and may even affect the way that you will have sex, or relationships in the future. Perhaps if you have a local youth centre or community centre, they may have a friendly youth counselor there that can help you.

If you are planning on speaking to your friend then you may need to work out in your own mind about any unresolved feelings that you have regarding what happened. And if you don't want him to do this with you again then you will need to firmly say so, and not place yourself in a position whereby he will have an opportunity to repeat the act.

However, if you have found that you enjoyed the act, and that you enjoy his company, then it's up to you to decide if you would like to pursue this further. He may even be just as confused and concerned about what has just happened as you are.