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September 30, 2014 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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The golden years of sex

Question:

I am a 66 year-old male and have been widowed for three and a half years. About two years after losing my wife of 45 years, I began going to singles group meetings. None of the women my age interested me and the younger ones didn't want to mess with an old guy like me. I had pretty much decided that my love life and sex life was over.

Then one day I went to a memorial service for a man I had known for years. It was a one-year commemoration of his passing away. I had never met his wife, who was now 72 years old. After talking, we hugged and I felt feelings I have not felt in years!

After that, I found excuses to visit her. I took her tomatoes from my garden, bought her a book I thought she would enjoy, and accepted her invitation to come look at pictures of when she and my friend had visited Spain about two years before his death. Somehow we started talking of our needs for physical attention. I might have started it by telling of two years of illness before my wife's death when she was turned off to sex. I was busy caring for her and sex did not seem too important to me at the time. It was a couple years after her death that some of my libido came back. This women shared with me that she had felt sexually neglected during her entire marriage, for my deceased friend had been a wonderful friend to his wife, but never a passionate lover. She talked of half a decade of trying to deal with his sexual indifference, of her turning to drink, of her suicidal thoughts, and, early in her marriage, of her brief affairs.

She asked me how I was now dealing with my sexuality and I told her that I was masturbating about twice a week. She spontaneously shared that she was masturbating with about the same frequency, and then said that she found me attractive. I told her of my attraction to her and the chemistry I felt with our first hug. I was the one who then suggested that we might be able to help each other out. I was surprised when she agreed that we certainly could do that. I was even more surprised when she invited me back that very night to put our plan into action.

Emotionally we were like eighteen year olds having sex for the first time, but with the years of experience that allowed us to talk about what we each liked and needed. I must tell you, at 72 this woman lubricated like a teenager and reached orgasm within three minutes of oral stimulation. With my first attempt at intercourse I lost my erection, but she helped me regain it and we were off and running. Since then we have been together frequently, both for social activities and sex, and she reliably reaches orgasm with either intercourse or oral stimulation. I am not quite so reliable, but hate to start using Viagra as long as I can get enough erections to satisfy her and to satisfy me.

Is there something wrong with a 66 year-old man falling into passionate love with a 72 year old woman? Is it wrong for me to love looking at her body, and for her to love having me look? She said that she had resigned herself to a marriage without hot sex and had not had an affair for over 25 years. Should I believe her? She said she has used a dildo for all that time and that is why she still lubricates and is about to take me inside. Before meeting her, I would have thought there was something weird about a woman her age masturbating and using a dildo. Is this abnormal?

I am wildly and passionately in love, despite her sagging breasts and pudgy tummy. She seems to love me, despite my love handles and pot belly. Is there something wrong with people our age have such a good time sexually, or are we just lucky?

Joe (66 year-old man)

Answer:

Dear Joe,

The two of you are both very lucky! There is no rule about when people should stop having such a good time sexually, and there is no standard that says only young bodies should turn us on. There is nothing written that requires the man to be older than the woman, and I'm glad you have discovered that it is certainly possible for a man to love a woman six or more years his senior.

There is no need for you to worry about how this sensual women has pleasured herself. There are no laws that disallows anyone, regardless of gender or age, to experience themselves in whatever ways feel good, and, to the contrary, the old saying "Use it or lose it" applies to both penises and vaginas.

I certainly think you can believe her when she said she had become faithful to her husband and had eventually accepted him as her best friend. She might well have spent the last 25 years or so bringing herself to orgasm, and that was a decision that kept her safe both physically and emotionally.

You are the lucky benefactor of her frequent use of a dildo, for as she has said, this practice has undoubtedly keep her vaginal tissue elastic and healthy. But quite honestly, what does it matter how she dealt with her sexual hunger in the past, for she now has apparently decided to share it all with you.

Age and familiarity will, of course, cool things in time, but the two of you have every right to enjoy each other as much as you possibly can. More power to you!

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or compact information page on QueenDom.

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