No sex with husband
QUESTION:
"Magical Myth", 38-year-old womanMy husband is 52 and I'm 38. We have been married for 13 1/2 years. The sex we had prior to marriage was the absolute best. We had lots of it, we varied our technique, and had very little inhibition. For the first two years of our marriage, we still had great sex...and then ever so slowly it faded away.
He never initiates sex anymore. When I do, 9 times out of 10 he ignores it. I have tried slow romantic suggestions, and I have also come right out and asked him to have sex but all to no avail. We have different doctors and I have asked him to talk to his doctor about it but he won't: he's too embarrassed. I try to talk to him about it and he just keeps saying he doesn't know why he doesn't want to have sex.
I have always enjoyed sex with my husband but now once or twice a year just doesn't do it for me. When we do have sex he's in a rush to get it over with. He doesn't arouse me or kiss me he just plays with my breasts and takes the plunge. I have gained a lot of weight but he says that isn't the problem. Is he lying or telling the truth? How do I deal with this? I am too young to go without sex, and don't want to go outside our marriage to get it. I am miserable about this. He is not the physical type (i.e. holding hands, kissing, hugging). Is it his age or me?
ANSWER:
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist
Age will slow a man down, but a man of 52 should not have lost total interest. Physical health, attraction to the partner, amount of internal and external stress, body image, fear of failure, effects of medication.... all of these can enter in.
Someone who has always been uncomfortable with physical touch and physical intimacy does not always find it easy to change...and might not even believe that it is they who should be the one changing. Physical and sexual relationships are complex and not easily sorted out in a brief question and answer format. When a marriage is jeopardized by one partner or the other person's lose of sexual interest, professional help should be sought. A medical exam is advisable - in particular, getting a good evaluation of hormone levels.
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit: http://www.oralcaress.com/