Unsatisfying sex life
QUESTION:
Puzzled (26 year-old woman)I've been with my partner for approximately 6 or 7 years now. We have been intimate for the majority of the relationship; however, I have only reached an orgasm with penetration for a complete total of four times. The only way that I can experience an orgasm with him is through oral sex. But I desire more. He says that I am the problem, but I have experienced other sexual relations in the past few years. I must say that I did not experience a problem in reaching an orgasm with penetration in each and every one of the encounters.
I have lost sexual interest in him with the lack of his ability to use his tool. Is there any hope for him or us with the use of penetration?
ANSWER:
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist
The majority of women never reach orgasm during intercourse and for many the most effect way is with oral stimulation. The problem is that most women need clitoral stimulation, and many of the positions of intercourse do not provide enough rubbing of this sensitive area.
Women often do best if they are on top. That way you are in control and you can use his "tool" to get what you need. Most women on top will slide back to front, rather than move up and down. Every time a woman would go up, she would lose contract on her clitoris. Get on top and push, concentrating on your clitoris and changing the angle of your body until you feel contact has been made.
You might also use positions where you can manually stimulate your own clitoris, and there is always the option of using a vibrator on your clitoris during intercourse.
It makes no sense to be blaming each other. A woman once asked me why God did not design male and female genitals to be more compatible. I made up an answer. I said, "Because God knew if it was easy, people would take it for granted, and so He (or She) designed things so that a man and a woman would be challenged to communicate and discover what uniquely worked for them."
Get creative... remember, there are two people involved, and the "tool" is something both are using.
Bob Birch
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit: http://www.oralcaress.com/