Too shy to talk about sex with husband

Let's begin by shedding light on a couple points. First of all, many women have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner, especially if she is uncomfortable communicating her needs, letting go and being out of control. Second of all, it is unfair to blame a communication problem on age. Sexual openness is a matter of attitude, not generation... in fact, your fiftyish partner grew up in the midst of the sexual revolution, so he must have been hiding out, not acting out.

We need to shatter that myth that only bad women ask for sexual pleasure. Sex is designed for pleasure, but unfortunately our bodies were not designed by a woman! Most men perform sexual acts in a way that are pleasurable for them and falsely assume it will feel equally good for the woman. Men are not necessary selfish... just make the mistake of believing they are born experts on the female sexual response. Women the right... not the responsibility... to ask for what they want, because they deserve equal satisfaction and shared pleasure is always better than anything that is one-sided. A woman who loves sex and who is sexually active is not bad. She is simply going after what is rightfully hers, and most men love a woman who knows what she wants in bed (or on the kitchen table).

Vibrators, of course, are great fun and for many women the most reliable way to reach orgasm. Some fragile men are threatened by the efficiency of a vibrator that can satisfy a woman when they are unable to do so with mouth, fingers or penis. On the other hand, many men love being with a woman as she orgasms, and gratefully accepts whatever ever it is that works for her. In fact, many couples have discovered positions of intercourse in which a vibrator can be held on the clitoris, and many men have learned to hold off and then catch up as the woman begins her climax. In other words, the best way to guarantee a simultaneous orgasm (a rare accomplishment) is by combining the stimulation of a favorite vibrating toy with a favorite patient lover.

One can never learn to communicate with a partner without taking the risk of trying. OK, one can talk "dirty" to some partners, but not others, but there is more than one way to communicate passion and desire, and at times a warm quiet request is easier to hear than a hot loud demand. Each couple must work out their own style of communication, and at times it takes time and patience to figure out what works best.

Bob Birch