Boyfriend questions
QUESTION:
Melanie, 18-year-old womanI've been with my current boyfriend for two years. We've had a lot of problems with my family and distance. My family hates him and forbade me from seeing him for a whole year. We stayed together despite my mom's desire to be rid of him.
He recently moved out from Maine to California (for me, or so he says), and things have been, well, very different. He's been very busy with college. His classes are extrememly hard and it takes up the majority of his days. I do get to talk to him, but he's not emotionally available anymore. We also have arguments because he wants me to move out of my house (he really dislikes my family, but I agree with his reasoning). I would, but a) I'm not sure where I'd go, b) I don't have a job at the moment, and c) I'm still in high school.
I'm trying my best to study for this test called the CHSPE, but it seems like everything I'm doing just isn't enough. He wanted me to come back with him to Maine for the summer, but he'd be leaving in May and I don't know if I can take the test before then...I don't know if I'll be ready for it. Without these issues we're usually great; when we're together everything just seems calm and we're fine; it's just the issues surrounding our lives that are hard for us to deal with, and we get so frustrated with one another because of it.
This is just a small idea. Yesterday I asked him if maybe we should "take a break" and just be friends. I don't know if I really meant it or if I just wanted reassurance. Either way, he agreed. He told me he thought it would probably be the best idea for us right now. I suppose I'm just upset because I'm scared I'll lose him...he's a philosophy major and it's all he does now. I know it's his passion and I want him to continue, but I just don't want to end up on the back burner.
I guess my question would be what's the best thing for me to do right now? Should I just let the situation be? Should I leave him alone? Should we just break up completely? I'm so confused and I hate when things are left unsaid. Thanks for reading this.
ANSWER:
Bryan M. Knight, Ph.D.
Listen to your own inner wisdom. It seems to be telling you to drop this man. You don't say what your family has against him but they may have good reason to want to protect you from him. And given what you wrote about him, that sounds right. He is putting his desires first, not yours.
Focus on school and on what's best for you. Someone better will come into your life and you'll look back upon this episode as a great learning experience.
All the best,
Bryan M. Knight, MSW, Ph.D.
This question was answered by Dr. Bryan M. Knight. Bryan M. Knight, MSW, Ph.D., holds a degree in psychology from Sir George Williams University, a Master's in social work from McGill University, and a doctorate in counseling from Columbia Pacific University for his dissertation, “Professional Love: The Hypnotic Power of Psychotherapy”. His 39 years in private practice have taught him to appreciate the uniqueness of each individual, and how to strengthen the client's positive values. Dr. Knight's innovation, NetHypnosis ™, offers therapeutic hypnosis to the public over the Internet. For people looking for a hypnotherapist in their hometown, Dr. Knight has created The International Registry of Professional Hypnotherapists. He is the author of numerous articles and several books, including "The People Paradox", "The Laughter Book", "Enjoying Single Parenthood", "Love, Sex & Hypnosis: Secrets of Psychotherapy", "Health and Happiness with Hypnosis", and "How to Avoid a Bad Relationship".For more information visit: http://www.hypnosis.org/