Dealing with jealous boyfriend
QUESTION:
Dia, 29-year-old womanMy name is Dia. I am Thai. When I talk to another guy that my boyfriend knows, he gets angry and keeps saying that we can't be together. A day later, he'll say he didn't mean it. This is so confusing and disappointing. I don't really know what this illness is called.
What should I do with him? How can I manage our relationship in a better way?
ANSWER:
Bob Rich, Ph.D.
Dear Dia,
His behavior pattern is called jealousy in English. It is not an illness in itself, but it is usually based on feelings of not being good enough.
I am not familiar with the finer points of Thai culture, but in English-based cultures, it is perfectly all right for a person to be friendly with people of the other sex. This does not signal that there is a chance of betrayal, and those people who try to control their partner and feel threatened by such a contact are considered to have a problem.
And, as you know from your experience, this is the most destructive thing for a relationship. No matter how much you love him, if he keeps acting in a jealous, controlling manner, sooner or later he will destroy your love.
So, if he wants to keep you as a loving girlfriend, then he needs to control his jealousy, rather than to control your actions. His best chance of keeping you is to make you feel good in his company, to make you feel that you get respect, love and enjoyment from being his girlfriend. Whatever he feels like inside, he needs to act the right way to achieve this.
I suggest you show him this message from me. It's all right for him to send me an email.
Bob
This question was answered by Dr. Bob Rich. Dr. Rich has 30+ years of experience as a psychotherapist. Dr. Rich is also a writer and a "mudsmith". Bob is now retired from psychological practice, but still works with people as a counselor.For more information visit: http://anxietyanddepression-help.com