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A little background... When i was 3 up to 6, my father had repeatedly malested me. I was in therapy for several years until I understood what the term meant.. I haven't really been in any long serious relationships because im scared that they won't stay with me because i can't climax. I am currently 18(two months from 19) and I have had sex with three different guys(willingly) and was unable to orgasm with each of them. I think i have had sex around 13 times, I was relxed each time as well. Does my past have an effect on this or is there something i can do to climax?
Hi there. Firstly, your past may or may not have a bearing on your predicament, you are not alone in your problem and many women experience difficulty in this area. Secondly, it is not the end of the world. If your past is still troubling you then I would recommend that you seek proffessional help in order to move on from this. It could be that subcontiously you are associating sexual activity with abuse, and this is not the case in a normal consenting relationship. Sex is normal and healthy and should be enjoyed, so if you are unable to do this then talk it through with somebody. There are not many men that would leave a partner just because she can't climax. For most men, I doubt they'd even notice..much less care! Still, it is a problem for you, so it should be conquered. I would suggest that you try to achieve orgasm on your own first, if you are able to do that, then you would be able to discover what arouses you, what you like and don't like and be able to demonstrate this to any partner. If a partner isn't "getting you off", then you need to tell him and give him a few pointers, not all men are born cassanovas you know, they need to learn it! Also, trying too hard can be quite a turn off. If you are putting too much emphasis on the end result, then you will miss out on all the enjoyment of the process. Calm down, forget about the orgasm, and just enjoy the sex. It will most likely happen on it's own. Try to have more foreplay...it takes a woman alot longer to "warm up" than a man, we need mental stimulation just as much as the physical. If none of my advice helps..and I really hope it does, then fake it! Most men would never know, and if it makes you happier then what's the harm in it? Good luck.
First of all congrats for getting out of your trauma. Next, don't always focus on climax....it puts pressure on you!! May be your partner should lengthen the foreplay. Oral sex before actual one also help. See if this work!!