{"id":1653,"date":"2015-09-11T09:57:45","date_gmt":"2015-09-11T13:57:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/queendomblog.wordpress.com\/?p=1653"},"modified":"2015-09-11T09:57:45","modified_gmt":"2015-09-11T13:57:45","slug":"funny-signs-you-need-a-new-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.queendom.com\/blog\/?p=1653","title":{"rendered":"Fun Psychology: Hilarious Signs It’s Time to Change Therapists"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I never really joke about therapy. I think it can be extremely useful, especially since some doctors are a little trigger happy when it comes to doling\u00a0out prescriptions. I don’t oppose drug therapy. If a person is suffering from\u00a0a debilitating disorder, medication is often required to help the person achieve\u00a0a degree of psychological balance. But it should be used in conjunction with other therapeutic approaches, in my opinion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, it’s good to poke a little fun at psychology sometimes. When people humorously (albeit incorrectly) summarize Freud’s theories as being all about “mother complexes and phallus symbols,” I can’t help but chuckle. So with that in mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Signs you need a new therapist<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

(Note: For the sake of simplicity, I will be using male pronouns when referring to the therapist)<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"image<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • After spending the last hour pouring your heart out and looking for validation from your therapist, he responds with, “Dude, that sucks! Okay, it’s my turn now.”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
      \n
    • At every session, your therapist lies down on the couch while you sit in the chair.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
        \n
      • He interrupts you every ten minutes with, “Hold that thought. We’ll be back after this commercial break.”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
          \n
        • Upon closer inspection, the degree your therapist has hanging on the wall is printed on McDonald’s napkins and authorized by the Hamburglar.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
            \n
          • The notes in his notebook are actually caricatures of you riding a giraffe.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
              \n
            • After a particularly embarrassing revelation, he snickers and whispers, “Can’t wait to tell the other psychologists this doozy!”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                \n
              • His conclusion after analyzing your dreams and listening to your worries is always, “It’s because you hate your mother.”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                  \n
                • He responds to all your admissions with Twitter lingo. #sad #lifesucks<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                    \n
                  • He has the same phobia you do, so he always has to be one treatment step ahead of you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                      \n
                    • The other “professionals” he wants to consult with about your issue are the empty chair next to him and a puppet\u2026and he often gets into violent disagreements with the puppet.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                        \n
                      • His idea of reverse psychology is turning is chair around and not looking at you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                          \n
                        • He says, “Well, that’s all the time we have for today” three minutes into the session.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                            \n
                          • He says, “And how does that make you feet?”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                              \n
                            • For some reason, he keeps referring to your subconscious as “Larry.”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                                \n
                              • After describing the difficulties you’ve been facing, he responds with, “Whoa. You are seriously messed up.”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
                                  \n
                                • He frequently mixes up your issues with his. Like after tearfully admitting that your parents never made you feel loved or offered you praise, he assured you that there is a great deal you should be proud of: “You’ve got a good education, a thriving practice, and you’re a great therapist. So take THAT mother!”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

                                  He asks strange open-ended questions to get you to express your feelings. “If you were a tree, what type of cheese would you eat?” “What do you think I’m thinking about what you think?” “Mittens the cat has to catch a connecting train to Piccadilly. The train is traveling at 100mph per hour. Why do you think your partner cheated on you?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                                  After the tenth “I see, go on” in a row, you turn around and discover that the therapist has been replaced with a dipping bird repeatedly pressing the Play button on a tape recorder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                                  Insightfully yours,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                                  Queen D<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                                  This post is not real advice—unless it accidentally is. We’re just having some fun with the weird stuff that sometimes happens in therapy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1653","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-development"],"yoast_head":"\nFun Psychology: Hilarious Signs It's Time to Change Therapists<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If your therapist forgets your name, it might be time to move on. 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