Anxiety can sound sort of rational sometimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf you ask this person out, you\u2019ll be humiliated. Play it safe and stay single.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf you take on this project, you\u2019ll fail, and you\u2019ll be fired.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour friends didn\u2019t text back because they probably don\u2019t like you very much.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The reality is that anxiety is often irrational, exaggerated, and prone to doomsaying. And while you may still be afraid that what your anxiety is saying is true, there\u2019s usually a part of you that knows it\u2019s ridiculous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So what do you do? You argue with it. You bring logic, evidence, and facts. You say, \u201cThat\u2019s not true,\u201d and anxiety says, \u201cMaybe. But what if it is?\u201d And then suddenly, you\u2019re in a debate with your brain at 1:17 a.m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Logic can help sometimes, but anxiety doesn\u2019t always respond to logic. So instead of trying to win every argument with anxiety, here are a few things to try instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anxiety thrives on urgency. When your brain believes there\u2019s a problem, anxiety won\u2019t calmly say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhenever you have a moment, perhaps we could conscientiously review this concern.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWE NEED TO SOLVE THIS RIGHT NOW.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some anxious thoughts are real signals: \u201cThis situation is dangerous. Get away now.\u201d Others are more like spam messages with dramatic subject lines, like: \u201cScientists Warn People to Stop Eating This Food Right Now!!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead of immediately trying to solve whatever your anxiety is pointing at, try naming what\u2019s happening:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think this is my brain looking for danger.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis feels urgent, but that doesn\u2019t mean it is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy brain is trying to protect me, but it may be overreacting.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are not agreeing with the thought. You are not ignoring it either. You are simply refusing to treat every anxious idea like it deserves a full investigation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reassurance feels good for about five minutes. For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a moment, you feel better. Then the anxiety comes back with a checklist on a clipboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you sure the opening sentence in your email isn\u2019t too harsh?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAre sure that in the process of checking for your passport, it didn\u2019t fall out?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAre you sure you turned the knob all the way?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Reassurance is like feeding a stray cat: the more you feed it, the more it comes back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of asking, \u201cHow can I feel 100% certain?\u201d try asking:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat do I actually know for sure? What is a fact?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat is the most likely explanation?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIs this action really necessary, or am I just trying to satiate my anxiety?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your anxiety wants perfect certainty, but life usually only offers reasonable certainty. And most of the time, reasonable certainty is enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re someone who is familiar with anxiety, then you know that it\u2019s not just a thought. It\u2019s a full-body experience. Your chest is tight, your jaw is clenched, your heart feels like you drank a dozen espressos, and the contents of your stomach are demanding a quick exit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Telling yourself, \u201cThere is nothing to worry about,\u201d while your body is acting like a bear just walked into the room holding an axe feels totally useless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n First priority: calm your body. Then deal with the mental aspect. Try something simple:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The purpose of these exercises is to remind your brain that you are here, in the now, and safe\u2014not in whatever nightmare you\u2019re imagining.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes anxiety is pointing to a real problem. Like forgetting a deadline, needing to face a difficult situation, or being overwhelmed with work. In those cases, take action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, sometimes anxiety is not pointing to a problem. It is pointing to discomfort. Like uncertainty, embarrassment, conflict, or rejection. Those are not always problems you can solve immediately. Sometimes they are feelings you have to ride out like a boat captain in the middle of a storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask yourself: \u201cIs there a practical step I can take right now, even if it\u2019s a small one?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If yes, take it. If no, then let the feeling exist without feeding it more worry or reassurance. Feelings often lose intensity with time when we allow ourselves to experience them instead of fighting, feeding, or obeying them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This sounds ridiculous, but it helps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Imagine anxiety as a nervous dog barking at every noise outside. If you scream, \u201cTHERE IS NOTHING THERE, YOU FURRY DUMMY,\u201d the dog won\u2019t relax. It will think, \u201cYou see it too, right?!? That\u2019s why you\u2019re barking in human language! Danger! Danger!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, if you calmly say, \u201cI hear you. We\u2019re okay,\u201d the dog may still bark, but with less frequency or intensity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So instead of telling your anxiety: \u201cYou\u2019re wrong, and here are all the reasons why.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI understand you\u2019re afraid. But I\u2019m not letting fear make my decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis feels scary, but I can handle this, moment by moment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t need certainty right now. I need the next reasonable step.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n You do not have to force anxiety into silence\u2014you won\u2019t be able to. What you can do is acknowledge it\u2019s there without obeying it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A little anxiety is normal. A lot of anxiety is overwhelming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If anxiety is interfering with your sleep, relationships, work, or ability to function in daily life, it\u2019s time to talk to a therapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Seeking help doesn\u2019t mean you have failed. It means your nervous system may need more than a breathing exercise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A therapist can help you challenge anxious thoughts\u2014yes, with logic, because logic can be useful when it\u2019s used in the right way. But therapy can also help you understand your anxiety patterns, calm your body, reduce reassurance-seeking, tolerate uncertainty, and stop treating every anxious thought like an emergency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stop trying to win every argument with your anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Insightfully yours,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Queen D<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Anxiety loves a debate, especially at 1 a.m., when you are tired, vulnerable, and least qualified to cross-examine your own thoughts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7385,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7384","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\n3. Stop arguing when your body is already in panic mode.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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4. Ask whether this is a problem to solve or a feeling to ride out.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
5. Talk to anxiety like a nervous dog.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When Anxiety Needs More Support<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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