If you\u2019ve ever said, \u201cSame sh*t, different day\u201d in response to someone asking, \u201cHow are you?\u201d I feel you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some days feel like crap. String several of those days together\u2014or weeks, or decades<\/em>\u2014and it can feel like the universe freaking hates you. As a friend once put it, \u201cI must have done some terrible things in my previous life, because what the hell<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When someone says, \u201cLife isn\u2019t supposed to be easy all the time,\u201d my thought is always, \u201cWhy the heck not?!\u201d But I totally get it. Stuff will happen that will hurt, enrage, and blindside you\u2014and even make you feel like an asteroid wiping out humanity might not actually be a bad thing. So I\u2019m not going to try to sell you the idea that every day should feel peaceful, wonderful, and sunshiny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, if your life feels like a constant struggle\u2014if even basic things feel hard\u2014it may be worth asking what is making everything feel so exhausting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So let\u2019s look at some reasons life may feel like a constant struggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes, we don\u2019t realize how heavy life has become. Work is stressful, but we call it \u201cnormal.\u201d Money is tight, but you\u2019re managing. You\u2019ve got family responsibilities, but who doesn\u2019t? You\u2019re behind on errands, laundry, and basic human maintenance, but hey, at least nothing is on fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Except maybe you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The problem is that stress adds up. One responsibility is mostly manageable. Two or three are okay, but getting tough. Ten responsibilities and<\/em> a lack of sleep on top of it? That\u2019s a burden. No wonder you\u2019re tired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes life feels like a constant struggle because you\u2019re not carrying one big obvious burden. You\u2019re carrying a backpack full of bricks, and every brick keeps saying, \u201cCome on, carry me. I\u2019m not that<\/em> heavy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a weird thing that happens in your brain when your life is a dumpster fire but you keep smiling like you\u2019ve just won the lottery. That mental discomfort, that dissociation, is called cognitive dissonance<\/em>. Your thoughts and behavior clash, like stripes and polka dots. Nurses often experience it\u2014they see death every day, but have to keep working and caring, like nothing happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your phone battery is at 8%, you\u2019re not going to stream a movie, right? That would be dumb. But when yourpsychological bandwidth is at 8%, you expect yourself to work, cook, clean, exercise, socialize, make decisions, and be your charming self while doing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, at some point, something is gonna give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You may become irritable, forgetful, discouraged, more avoidant, or more sensitive, because you\u2019re trying to function without enough emotional, mental, or physical fuel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do you have a friend who is always in a crisis, a mother-in-law who shows up uninvited, or a boss who expects more than your role requires? All these situations require boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Loose boundaries make life harder because they give people the right to take your time, energy, and patience whenever they want. You become the reliable one, the understanding one, the bigger person, or the one who \u201cdoesn\u2019t mind.\u201d Except you do<\/em> mind. You just don\u2019t say it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Boundaries do not magically remove all stress, but they do help you stop treating every person\u2019s request like a command.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019re allowed to say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI can\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI need time to think.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not available.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat doesn\u2019t work for me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Life becomes much harder when you keep living as if everyone else\u2019s comfort matters more than yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (If you need tips on how to set and protect boundaries, check out this blog post<\/a>. You can also check out the Assertiveness Test<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI should be further ahead in life by now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI should be able to handle this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf I don\u2019t do this, I will disappoint so many people.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRest has to be earned.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf I don\u2019t do everything perfectly, people will judge me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some rules we learn in childhood. Some came from our culture, school, work, religion, social media, or past relationships. But not every rule needs to be followed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whenever one of these thoughts, beliefs, or rules pops into your head, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the answer is no, then stop following those rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s something I absolutely want you to take away from this blog:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Suffering is not noble. It doesn\u2019t make you saintlier, more special, or more deserving of care. Most of the time, it\u2019s entirely unnecessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s something else\u2014and it will sound odd: some people are so used to struggling that they make it a way of life. They don\u2019t trust help. If you offer them a solution, they\u2019ll explain why it won\u2019t work. If something could be easier, they become suspicious of it. Struggle becomes familiar. Familiar becomes normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But why would anyone hold on to struggle?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not because they enjoy it. More often, it\u2019s because struggle gives them something they may not know how to ask for directly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n And this is where cognitive dissonance comes in again. You may genuinely want life to feel easier, while also rejecting the very things that could make it easier. That\u2019s a hard pattern to break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Start small. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\nYou\u2019re carrying way too much at once.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You expect yourself to function like nothing is wrong.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Your boundaries are way too generous\u2014or lacking.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You\u2019re following rules\u2014or beliefs\u2014you never questioned.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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You think struggle is a flex, a badge of honor.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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How to Break the Struggle Pattern<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n