Ah, happiness—that slippery, elusive emotion we all chase after, whether it’s through a slice of chocolate cake, a vacation far from home, or that very fleeting moment of joy when the first number on your lottery ticket gets called.
But what really makes us happy? Is it the stuff we buy, the goals we achieve, or is it something deeper and less tangible? I’m going to dive into the science of happiness, debunk a few myths, and highlight the key factors that truly contribute to happiness.
(Want to see how satisfied you are with your life? Try the Life Satisfaction Test here:
https://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=3297)
Happiness Myths That May Actually Be Making You Miserable
Before I get to what actually generates happiness, let me clear up a few common misconceptions:
Myth #1: Money buys happiness.
Here’s the truth: Money can definitely buy comfort and security, and that can generate feelings of happiness because you no longer have to worry about debt or paying bills. So, in that respect, I absolutely agree that money can indirectly and even directly make you happy.
However—you knew that was coming—research shows that once you have enough money to cover your basic needs and a little extra for some fun, additional wealth doesn’t significantly increase happiness. A study by Princeton University found that earning around $75,000 per year is the sweet spot for happiness. Beyond that income level, any additional increase in happiness is minimal.
Myth #2: Happy is something you become.
You’ve probably found yourself thinking something along the lines of, “I’ll be happy when…
- …I finally graduate from school.”
- …I get my own place and move out.”
- …I get my dream house/car/job.”
- …I find the person I am meant to be with.”
- …I retire and do my own thing.”
- …I (insert whatever).
Myth #3: Being positive equals happiness.
You might think that being happy all the time means avoiding negative emotions—no anger, no sadness—but that’s not the least bit realistic or healthy. Real happiness involves experiencing the full range of human emotions. You’re human. Emotions are part of who you are—they’re your built-in messaging system. You can’t just separate yourself from what you feel.
And here’s something to ponder: according to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest studies on happiness, those who embrace all their emotions, and bad, tend to lead more fulfilling lives.
What actually makes us happy?
Now that I’ve covered some myths, it’s time to look at what really makes us happy, according to science:
#1: Relationships
One of the most impactful contributors to happiness is strong, healthy relationships. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has shown that close relationships are more predictive of a long and happy life than money or fame. However, it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship. A good connection with family or that one awesome friend can create a deeper sense of fulfillment.
And if your only close relationship is with your pet, that has benefits too. I’m not kidding. A 2025 study by researchers from the University of Kent and the London School of Economics found that owning a pet can increase life satisfaction by 3 to 4 points on a 7-point scale. Also, in a survey of 2,500 British people, a third of the sample claimed their pet brings them more joy than their partner, and over half prefer their pet’s company to a night out with friends.
#2: Purpose and Meaning
A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that having a sense of purpose contributes to overall life satisfaction. However, that doesn’t mean you have to have a grand mission in mind; I’m not telling you to solve world hunger or sell all of your possessions and live in a cabin off the grid (unless that would make you happy). Instead, your purpose could be simpler… and closer to home, like fostering animals, becoming a good baker, raising kids, excelling in your career, or simply being nicer to people.
#3: Gratitude
Gratitude is deceptively powerful. Honestly, it kind of annoys me when some smiley person insists that “being more grateful will make you happier.” Ohhh, really? That’s it? Annoyingly… yes. Research published in Personality and Individual Differences found that regularly practicing gratitude—whether it’s journaling, saying thanks out loud, or just pausing to reflect—can noticeably boost your happiness and mental well-being.
For the next 30 days, write down everything you’re grateful for before going to bed—even the things that seem small, like being able to walk or read these words. Do it daily, and I can annoyingly guarantee you’ll feel a shift by the end of the month.
The second thing I want you to do is say thank you throughout the day. Did you find a George Constanza-worthy parking space close by? Did your eggs turn out just right? Was your boss nicer today or were customers less irritating? Did you finally get a genuine compliment from your mom? Say thank you out loud or to yourself. Really feel that sense of gratitude when something turns out better than you expected.
#4: Acts of Kindness
Doing something kind for others not only benefits them, it also boosts your own happiness. A study published in The Journal of Social Psychology found that people who performed daily acts of kindness reported feeling significantly happier than those who didn’t.
The good news is that these don’t have to be grand gestures. Hold the door open for someone. Let another driver merge ahead of you (I’m always so grateful when someone does that for me). Tip your cheerful barista a little extra. Give your dog a few extra minutes of love and attention. Small kindnesses add up.
#5: Mindfulness and Presence
This is probably a no-brainer, but being present in the moment can lead to greater happiness. Studies, like those published in Psychological Science, have shown that people who are more mindful—who focus on the present rather than worrying about the past or future—tend to be happier and less stressed. The concepts of mindfulness and “being present” get thrown around a lot, but they’re not always explained in a way that’s easy to apply. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve found mindfulness so difficult to achieve, as though only master level Buddhist monks can unlock it. So here are some simple ways to practice mindfulness in your everyday life:
- When you’re eating, focus on the taste and texture of your food. Really savor it. I’ve noticed that so many people rush through meals or eat distractedly, scrolling through their phones, watching TV, barely tasting what’s on the plate. Turn off the TV, put your phone down, and just eat. And if the idea of sitting with your thoughts—even for a few minutes—makes you uncomfortable, that’s something to pay attention to. You can’t find peace if you’re constantly looking for distraction. Mindfulness starts with presence, stillness, and attention.
- If you’re talking to someone, really listen instead of planning what you’ll say next. Somehow, I feel less capable of forming an answer when I am trying so hard to think of one.
- Take a few deep breaths and tune in to the world around you. Notice what you see, hear, and sense. Feel the subtle brush of air against your skin. Pay attention to the cool sensation in your nostrils as you inhale. Listen closely to the sounds surrounding you—birds, traffic, a ticking clock—and then zero in on just one of them, letting it come to the forefront. That’s mindfulness in action: observing without judging, and fully inhabiting the present moment.
- Go for a walk without music or podcasts—just take in your surroundings. Watch people interacting and take note of how their tone, facial expression, and body language interplay. Test your ability to read others by pinpointing differences between what a person says and what their body language is expressing.
- When your mind wanders to the past or future, gently but resolutely bring it back to the present moment. You can’t change anything in the past and you can’t predict the future with certainty. Your greatest power lies in the present.
Happiness isn’t about having a perfect life or having no worries. It’s about finding the little things that bring you joy. It’s about creating relationships that enhance your life. It’s about finding a purpose, practicing gratitude, being kind, and staying mindful.
So, the next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll be happy when…,” respond with, “…when I allow myself to be happy.”
Insightfully yours,
Queen D
