Emotional Competencies
(score: 40)
Traits and skills that are essential to dealing with your own as well as other people's emotions.

The emotional competency aspect of the assessment reflects an understanding that as humans, we are emotional beings. An emotionally intelligent person is open to understanding his or her feelings, and can identify and deal with other people's feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant, with finesse. Most importantly, he/she is able to achieve a healthy balance between emotional suppression and unbridled emotional expression.

The following is a breakdown of your emotional competencies:

You may find it difficult to enjoy happy feelings, either because you feel you don't deserve joy or because you fear you might "jinx" it.

Whether intentional or not, you tend to distance yourself from your emotions. This could be a form of self-protection; you may be distancing yourself from unpleasant emotions (or even pleasant ones) because they make you uncomfortable or make you feel vulnerable. Expressing your emotions comes with risk (of rejection, of mockery), but you also need to recognize that it is a risk that is worth taking. Try increasing your comfort with emotional expression one step at a time. Build up your coping mechanisms so that you are able to cope with the potential for rejection or failure.

Your tendency to avoid expressing your emotions may be linked to your attitude toward emotions in general: You seem to think they are irrational and unproductive, with the potential to cloud your judgment. You might want to take the time to reconsider this attitude and reflect on the value of emotions. Emotions are informative, and can enhance the decision-making as well as rational thinking process. Keep in mind that examining your emotions and the information they offer is not the same as acting on them. Even anger and contempt offer insight: They notify you that something doesn't feel fair or right.

You have a tendency to take emotions at face value, both your own or other people's. Emotions have depth, which means you need to dig a little deeper in order to better understand their source and cause. For example, there are many sides to anger, like resentment, hostility, and frustration, and they may stem from different underlying issues. Moreover, your emotional reactions to certain situations are unlikely to be limited to one emotion alone. As humans, we have the capacity to experience a multitude of emotions - this is why taking the time to understand and analyze your feelings is important.

Your natural behavior in emotionally charged situations may be to get out of the situation or to put up a "wall" to reduce the impact and to protect yourself. However, that approach is likely to be unhelpful. Instead, try to gradually increase your exposure to emotional situations and people - stay in the situation, dig a little deeper into what you and others are feeling, and let yourself experience or at least the emotions that are arising before you walk out. Being in these types of situations may make you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable, but it can also lead to much more enjoyable and deeper interactions with other.

Improving your ability to correctly identify what you are feeling and why would make it much easier for you to regulate your emotions. The first step is to allow yourself to examine simple situations, trying to pinpoint the feeling and the meaning behind it. This applies, by the way, to both positive and negative emotions. For instance, knowing that certain type of people make you feel safe, appreciated, and open to feel joy, you can seek out situations or environments where you experience this. If certain people typically make you feel small, inadequate, on guard or taken advantage of, you can either avoid them or, better yet, mentally prepare to take a firmer approach, and be more assertive. In the latter case, understanding that those negative feelings are brought about by the condescending or patronizing attitude of those you are dealing with is very helpful, as it will make you more immune to those feelings, and it will help you devise a behavioral strategy to address their unhelpful attitudes.

Becoming more self-aware will be even more of a challenge if you don't take the time to reflect on your emotions. Remember, your feelings are not separate from you - they are part of you. Therefore, in order to be more self-aware and better understand yourself (your behaviors, attitude, and motivations) you need to be willing to analyze your feelings.

Your difficulty with emotional control is also having an impact on your ability to resolve conflict. This isn't to say that getting angry or frustrated is wrong - you just need to give yourself time to "cool off" before you try to resolve a disagreement. Reacting in the heat of the moment makes it difficult, if not impossible, to maintain your objectivity, which means you will be less willing to compromise, and may say things you later regret.

The more volatile your emotions, the more difficult it is for you to maintain a positive mindset. When you allow your emotions to get out of control, your thoughts soon follow, resulting in a downward spiral into more negativity.

Social Competencies
(score: 50)
Traits and skills that are essential to human interaction.

Any relationship, whether personal or professional, must be maintained or it risks falling apart. This group of competencies takes into account traits and skills that are needed to maintain harmonious relationships with others - how to interact tactfully, how to behave appropriately, and how to make others feel at ease in one's presence. These skills and traits not only allow interactions to be more productive, they also make it easier to get along with others.

The following is a breakdown of your social competencies:

You struggle with picking up on social cues, which will make it harder for you to adjust your behavior to different situations. You could often end up saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.

You seem to have trouble taking context into consideration when making judgments about people's emotions, behaviors, or motivations. Other people's behavior may even take you completely by surprise. You tend to look at the situation from your point of view only, and may not even realize how your assumptions, which can be right or wrong, influence your interpretation of other's behavior. This lack of social insight could cause friction in your relationships, as you could come across as insensitive, inattentive, or tactless.

An important social cue that could help improve your social insight - and that you seem to be missing out on - is non-verbal communication. People won't always tell you the truth about what they are feeling, which is why the ability to read facial expressions and interpret gestures can come in handy. More often than not, we say more with our expressions or gestures than we say with our words. So, for example, if someone says that they are not nervous but you notice that the person's hands are shaking, their eyes are darting, and they are taking short, shallow breaths, their non-verbal language is telling you otherwise. If you pay more attention to a person's posture, gestures, facial expression, and tone of voice), you'll find that social insight will come easier.

You are a relatively empathetic person, and will try as much as possible to place yourself in other people's shoes, although you may occasionally have trouble doing so. Overall, your general ability to empathize makes it easier to create a meaningful human connection.

In your efforts to further improve your empathy, keep in mind that you don't have to feel a person's pain in order to empathize with him or her - you just need to understand his/her perspective. Being able to understand someone's perspective and emotional state will offer you a lot of helpful information about the person (and offer you insight on how you can help them) but it can be overwhelming to actually experience other's emotions, especially negative ones. Make sure to keep a healthy distance between your feelings and the feelings you pick up from others, especially in emotionally charged situations.

There are a few blatant gestures that you can easily interpret, but for the most part, you have trouble reading people's body language. Some non-verbal communication can be subtle; however, your general difficulty with even some of the more well-known body language signals indicates that you'll often "miss the message" and misinterpret someone. That being said, not all body language gestures are universal, which may be the reason for some of your misunderstandings, but you can learn to interpret body language more effectively, even in light of cultural differences.

Another side of this issue is that you may not be aware how your body language could be interpreted by others. Sometimes, part of our mannerism may have nothing to do with the situation, but will be interpreted in a given context - like eye contact. You may avoid eye contact, for example, because you are shy, but others may see it as a sign that you are not telling the truth. Essentially, if you make an effort to pay attention to your own body language, you may find it easier to identify and interpret similar gestures or mannerisms in others.

Your views of others and of the world can sometimes be rather narrow-minded. You have your own opinions, and are not always open to other people's perspective.

Your flexibility has its limits. Others may view you as somewhat stubborn and difficult. When you are being inflexible, you are more likely to alienate others. Teamwork will also be a struggle for you on occasion, especially when you are part of a heterogeneous group, as you may at times find it difficult adjusting to the views and varied ideas of the group.

Your approach to resolving conflict needs improvement - it is not at all conducive to resolution. This causes conflicts to escalate because you do not deal with them head-on and/or resolve them effectively.

Drive
(score: 53)
Traits and skills that are essential to goal achievement and success.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that self-improvement is a continuous process and therefore, are driven to achieve whatever they set their mind to. They are energized by the opportunity to move up or advance themselves in some way, and enjoy excelling at their chosen endeavor. They possess a true devotion to their goals and want to watch their ideas, visions, and objectives come to fruition.

The following is a breakdown of the skills and traits related to your level of drive:

You don't seem to be paying attention to your body's signals, which is making it difficult to identify your emotions. You may find yourself acting in the heat of the moment - and then wondering what came over you after things have settled and you've calmed down. You don't pay attention to what you are feeling or why, you simply act.

You are more likely to lose motivation and faith in yourself after a disappointing experience or failure. When this is the case, you tend to struggle to find the incentive to try again.

You have difficulty motivating and inspiring yourself to take on opportunities or challenges because you don't hold high hopes for a positive outcome. You assume that your efforts will be fruitless and tend to question whether you should even bother to try.

Once you get yourself into a comfortable routine, you are unlikely to change it, especially if you feel that adapting to something new requires too much effort.

The fact that you are not very open to learning could be a result of your general lack of motivation. Learning requires time, effort, and a willingness to take on more responsibility, which you are not very motivated to take on.

Even if you were to set goals, you would still lack the incentive needed to actually achieve them. Once you have determined what you want, make it a point to find a source of encouragement that will keep you going. Ideally, it should be a mix of internal and external sources of motivation.

You don't seem to be quite aware of your strengths, aspirations, and passions, or simply haven't taken the time to sit down and think about them. It is difficult to set goals if you don't know what you want to achieve in the first place. You could end up making unwise choices or setting your eyes on unrealistic goals.

Your lack of goal setting is linked at least in part to your low sense of self-efficacy. You worry that you don't have what it takes to achieve what you desire.

You are not entirely content with your life, which can be a result of your lack of goals or aspirations. Without something to aim for, you lack a sense of direction and face frequent unproductive ruts. You may also feel like something is missing in your life.

You don't seem very motivated in your pursuits, and this may be because the goals you envision achieving are not in line with your values. You don't really know what you stand for, and by extension, don't know what you want to accomplish. Everyone has values, but it takes effort to stand by them - and you might not be able to do that at this point.

Stress Management
(score: 55)
Traits and skills that are essential to regulating and channeling stress in a healthy and productive manner.

While a certain degree of stress is normal and can even enhance motivation and performance, a delicate balance must be maintained. Emotionally intelligent people are skilled at maintaining their composure in hectic situations or with challenging people. They are mentally tough, and are able to regulate their stress level before it reaches unhealthy proportions.

The following is a breakdown of your stress management skills:

You hate having to adjust your plans or approach to accommodate other people. While you shouldn't have to continually acquiesce to other people's wants and desires, you do need to be willing to meet someone halfway, at least on some occasions.

If you're forced to deal with a new situation (at work, for example), but don't have the knowledge, skills, or resources to do so, you are unlikely to speak up. You need to assert yourself in these situations; otherwise, you'll find yourself overwhelmed and unable to adapt to the change.

By being inflexible, you are limiting your options when faced with a setback. There are multiple solutions to almost any problem. Keep an open mind and ask others for their ideas.

Your tendency to struggle when under stress makes it difficult to manage your emotions.

You're more likely to avoid change if you're afraid that you won't be able handle it, or if it's too much of a change from what you're used to. You need to build an "immunity" to change by taking it on in small increments. For example, try something new on a weekly basis, or change something in your routine, like taking a different route to work.

One of the reasons why you may fail to set challenging goals is because you fear the stress that would come with it. Coping with the pressure of achievement (and the fear of failure and/or the fear of success) isn't easy for you. You may even consciously or subconsciously sabotage your chances of success because you're afraid you won't be able to handle it.

Your underdeveloped coping skills are impacting your ability to think positively. As your stress level increases, your thoughts become more pessimistic, making it difficult to challenge them and steer them in a more constructive direction.

It's hard for you to be happy or content when you allow minor issues to get the best of you. When you allow yourself to get annoyed or upset over everything that goes wrong (or could go wrong), life may seem like one drama or problem after another. You need to try to let go of the perfectionistic need to have everything in your life work out flawlessly. Life is full of disappointments, and while major ones are bound to hurt or sidetrack you, you have to teach yourself to let go of the little ones that don't really matter in the long-run.

You are not satisfied with your life, and this has a lot to do with your limited resilience. By strengthening your resilience, you will build a barrier that will allow you take minor annoyances in stride, and help you stay strong in the face of major setbacks.

Part of the reason you struggle to be resilient might be that you are uncomfortable with emotional situations, and are afraid, unable or unwilling to deal with the underlying emotions. Bouncing back from hardship is going to be all the more difficult for you if you haven't processed the emotions that surfaced as a result of it. This leaves the door open for the issue to resurface and trouble you again and again because you were unable to put it to rest. Keep in mind that emotions need to be processed, particularly negative ones. And while that process might be painful, it is typically necessary to get over it.

Having to deviate from your values and engage in actions that go completely against them is making you unhappy.

Some people have a thick skin and are able to distance themselves emotionally from unsavory behavior, but this doesn't seem to be the case for you. When your actions are not in line with your principles and morals, you feel regret, stress, guilt, shame, and disappointment in yourself.

You often doubt yourself and question your skills, making it difficult to stay positive in the face of challenges. If you were to work on improving your self-esteem and confidence, you'll likely find that your view of yourself and circumstances will become more hopeful and optimistic.

You don't seem to recognize how strong you can really be; there are hidden reserves inside of you that may not be aware of. If you search for and focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses, you might realize how resourceful you really are. Do some introspection, and recall situations in your past where you were able to conquer an obstacle, or managed to find a way to overcome a hardship. Remember, resilience isn't something you are born with. It is acquired and build-up through hardship.

Self-Regard
(score: 49)
Traits and skills that contribute to a healthy view of self.

The manner in which a person responds to emotionally charged situations, challenges, and difficult people depends a great deal on the degree to which they possess a positive self-regard. Every action a person takes, decision they make, and the manner in which they conduct themselves around others is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Emotionally intelligent people possess a healthy level of self-respect.

The following is a breakdown of your view of yourself:

You believe that you are unable to resolve conflict, and don't seem to be motivated to look for better resolutions. This might cause you to fear conflict, avoid it, or take the easy way out (by giving in to others, for example).

In conflict situations, you may often give in and let others have their way. You would rather be on someone's good side than risk angering or losing their companionship. The problem with this approach to conflict situations is that if you don't speak up and say what you think and feel, they will not be resolved to your liking, leading to regret and resentment.

It's hard to love your life when you don't love yourself. Your dissatisfaction with yourself has permeated your life, making it seem like nothing goes right for you and that you'll never be happy.

Rather than viewing obstacles and setbacks as temporary, you see them as permanent roadblocks. You doubt your ability to overcome challenges and regularly find yourself battling with self-doubt.

You seem to lack the confidence to stand up for yourself. You're more likely to be intimidated by people with strong personalities or who are very assertive themselves, like authority figures. When confronted with these types of people, you may feel like you don't have the right to express a contrary opinion. Part of you also worries that speaking up or disagreeing with someone could anger them, and cause them to reject you.

Your self-esteem is fragile at best, and prone to volatility. Some people and situations will make you feel good about yourself while others can totally shatter your self-view. You don't always make it a point to treat yourself with love and respect.

You are rather self-critical, and are likely much stricter with yourself than you are with others. That may seem noble, but it is quite unhealthy. It's also important to keep in mind that your perception of yourself will rub off on others, and they may adopt this distorted view of you as well. After all, you should know yourself the best, so if you say you're unworthy of love and respect, they may not question it.

You may occasionally question your judgment, and will turn to others for reassurance. This doesn't mean that you don't trust yourself, but sometimes, getting support from others helps you feel more confident.

While you recognize that the only opinion that should matter to you is your own, part of you still desires validation from others. Praise and a pat on the back makes you feel good about yourself. You care about what others think of you, although you would likely prefer not to.