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September 19, 2014 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Love

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Talking to God about jealousy

Question:

I am jealous of my partner but how do I talk to God about this?

Jealous Christian

Answer:

You are feeling jealous of your partner, and you want to know how to talk to God about this. There are several ways to pray that you might consider. If you wanted to think of the golden rule, thinking of your partner as you wanted your partner to think of you, one request could be, "Dear heavenly father, will you help develop a climate of acceptance and trust in which feelings can be expressed?" Another way to think about the problem in prayer might be to ask, "God, I need some insights into my jealousy, here. Please help me understand where the jealousy comes from? I don't know if my partner reminds me of anybody in the past. But if that's the case, God, I'd like some insight why. Father, was I ever a helpless child waiting for approval? Just let me wait here, Lord, as you begin to help me grow in understanding of myself."

Another prayer, totally contrasted to the prayer to understand the past, "Lord God, I want to focus on future success, not on past failure. Don't allow me to dwell on that jealousy. Kick me in the patootie, father, and get me focused on some therapeutic work with this partner--some good ol' cooperation. Thanks, God, I'll be counting on you."

Another: "God, I know somehow I've given myself some message here that's related to a purposeful life plan I may have decided on without recognizing it. Fill me with your light, God. If I don't know it and I've told myself some stupid thing such as, 'Don't trust yourself, because you'll always fail. Instead, expect others to decide for you, because you're incapable of directing your own life,' or some such, Lord, I pray you'll help me work on that. Maybe it's making me jealous. I'm worried about this, and I know you made us for better things. Thank you for this situation, to help me grow into the stronger person you made me for."

Another would be to pray for acceptance of responsibility for your own capacities and limitations and for what you are becoming. He is there for you, a very present help for your endeavor, and can help you use your anxiety as an impetus for changing your life in such a way that you will want to live.

Or you might pray, "Dear God, There are some feelings in me I want to explore, about feeling jealous of my partner. But I'm having difficulty coming up with some concrete and specific things. Will you help me do that, please? Some specific parts of that jealousy to focus on? And as you and I communicate in ongoing prayer, become more and more specific on what I'm thinking, and feeling, and doing, Lord? I've been having trouble doing this by myself. It's not easy. I put my trust in you while we work."

Another: "My Loving Father in Heaven, you have created me with meaning in my life, and have told us when we call you will answer. When you entered my heart, it was for steadfast and forever. Help me with knowing my central goal and where I'm going. I want to feel safer and feel more that I belong. Maybe this jealousy thing is related, I don't know."

Or: "God, I'm praying this prayer with my eyes open. I ask you to be with me in this room. Please watch me and just be with me now. I'm going to put these two chairs together and I'm gonna bring some closure to something that happened between me and my partner; I'm going to relive that scene right here in front of you, talking out loud as if I were partner when I sit in this chair and as me when I'm in the other. And say all the things I couldn't when it was going on. And then Father, I'm going to open up your Word and read. What I'm praying for, Lord, is to hear you. I know it takes awhile for me to grow. Meantime, I'm going to hear your message in church, and read it, and study it, and meditate about it. Be thou with me, thou other, thou sacred, thou all-powerful God."

Now, I based each one of the prayer models above on one of the psychological theories of therapy which I believe the almighty has rejoiced in our discovering. Whatever you say when you talk to God, on the other hand, is an intimate, private, unique prayer that nobody else prays--yours. It will be based on the relationship you have already developed. If you have no relationship, your prayer could begin with starting to get in touch.

Here is one assurance for you, the good things he has begun in you he will see to completion.

Donna

This question was answered by Donna Gray-Davis, MFT. Donna is a family therapist who guides individuals, couples, and groups to healing using Christian-based counsel well grounded in Psychology.

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