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December 19, 2014 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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What's happened to my sex drive?

Question:

I am a 29 year-old female that has been married for five and a half years now to a wonderful man. I lost my sex drive about two years ago and the doctors have not been able to find anything wrong. He does not have much of a drive himself due to a problem with sustained erection and that is what made me kind of pull back initially when it came to sex. But now I am just not interested. In fact, if I could I would go the rest of my life without ever having it but once in a blue moon.

I get the urge but when it comes time to perform I am disgusted by it and would rather not. If you have any suggestions I would appreciate your input as I truly am getting worried that there is something that the doctors just haven't found yet.

Angela (29 year-old woman) from Richmond, VA.

Answer:

You are not alone in this problem, for many men and women find that their sexual drive wanes after several years of marriage. Early in a relationship there is the newness, and this is exciting. Novelty is a very strong aphrodisiac! Couples need to work together to keep their sexuality interesting. Unfortunately, once negative feelings begin to develop, it is hard to rekindle the romance. But, it is not impossible.

I have written elsewhere about the need to set aside a special night to play! These nights should not have intercourse as a goal, and orgasms should be optional! The only goal should be to be together in a sensual and playful atmosphere, with no pressure or demands. This needs to be a time to talk of what feels good, to explore new things, and to reminisce about past sexual delights (with each other).

I routinely suggest that a woman should have her hormone levels checked when she has lost sexual desire. She should also ask her doctor about possible sexual side effects of any medication she is taking, including her birth control pills.

The challenge is to find ways to make sex fun again. You don't have to break any records and you don't have to be spectacular. You do need to find ways to become comfortably again with your physical intimacy. As a couple, get professional help if necessary.

Best wishes on this journey.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or compact information page on QueenDom.

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