Shoot from the Hip

Shoot from the Hip

Researchers have found that people tell an average of seven lies a day - which is a pretty shocking number. Most of us would claim, "not me! I'm honest!". But if you really think about it, how often do we say "I'm fine" when we really want to crawl in a small hole and disappear, or tell someone we love their new hairdo when they look like a poodle? Well, research has also shown that these kind of lies are actually beneficial; being brutally honest all the time would result in a lot of hurt feelings and turn small talk into awkward heart-to-hearts. The big lies, on the other hand, are more damaging. Telling someone you love them when you're not sure, for example, can cause a lot of heartache (and guilt on your end). Then there's the kind of dishonesty where you don't actually tell a lie, but leave out important information - not leveling with a friend or family member, for example, about the impact their insensitive comments have on you or the fact that they are overly demanding.

Failing to confront others (our partners, bosses, friends, family) about things that bother us, whether we like it or not, is being dishonest - especially with ourselves. By not doing anything about the situation, we are trying to convince ourselves that it's not a problem, but deep down it really is. It takes courage, after all, to say straight out what we feel. Of course, such confrontations have to be handled with tact, which is possible if we work on our communication and conflict skills. You'll be surprised how often other people will appreciate your honesty, even if it's a bit hard to swallow in the beginning. Leveling with others will certainly help you build both self-confidence assertiveness skills. So shoot from the hip, as gently as possible.

by T.L. Scribe