Ronnie my dear,

From this very short note, there is no way I can tell what the underlying problem is. But let's deal first with wanting to kill yourself.

Have you murdered anyone? Committed horrible crimes that have the death penalty in many places? I know nothing about you, but I'll bet you don't hurt other people, only yourself, right? So, why should you deserve the death penalty? What you need is caring and love, not punishment.

You write that you have suffered from trauma for most of your life. No doubt your wish to die is in order to run away from the terrible memories and re-livings. You probably don't know, but there is another way of coping with them.

When something triggers a traumatic memory, it feels as if you were back there, as if you were in a terrible situation. There are ways of changing this. A few sessions with someone trained in "Traumatic Incident Reduction" or with a psychologist trained in one of several methods, will change those re-livings into memories that won't bother you anymore. The TIR website you can click on above lists practitioners, and there will probably be some in your area.

On this site you will find a list of places in your state where you can get help, and on this site you will find support groups: people who have been where you are now, and can become your friends and advisors.

You are still living because there is a life for you to live.

Please email me back, and welcome to my global group of grandchildren. Bob