Queendom.com - the land of tests tests quizzes polls advice articles blog
My ProfileMy Profile

    Forgot Password?...

  New? Register here...
  My Profile tour...
Editor Pick

Franchisee Aptitude Test

Wondering how to become franchisee? Buying franchise? If you have entrepreneurial spirit, franchise opportunities abound; you just need to find the right fit. Take the Franchisee ...
take this test...
Related Tests
Interpersonal Communication Skills Test
Relationship Attachment Style Test
Parenting Style Test
Jealousy Test (For Gay Men)
Self-Disclosure Test For Couples - Abridged

Articles show

Polls show
Quick Poll
Have you ever experienced paranormal phenomenon?
Yes, several times

Yes, a few times

Yes, once

I'm not sure

No, never

September 25, 2017 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Love

submit your question

What is wrong with my relationship?


I love a man but it seems that during our relationship he seems to ask questions about the way I do things. The way he asks the questions is very sarcastic. If he sees me watching a Asian movie he may ask "Why do you like that movie, do you want to be Chinese?" It seems as if I am always explaining myself when asked these annoying sarcastic questions.

China (21)


I'm going to be giving you my view of this problem but please remember that I can't tell from your letter whether you are Chinese or not. I am answering as I would for someone living in the U.S. If there is a cultural difference between us, you will need to do the "interpreting" for your own culture....

You boyfriend's sarcastic questions are demeaning and disrespectful to you, and they are a sign of insecurity within him. I bet your can notice that they happen much more often when he is in a bad mood about other things or when his thoughts about his own value have been diminished recently. It's as if he is trying to feel "bigger" by making you feel "smaller."

But regardless of his reasons for what he does, your own problem is about how to protect yourself from this mistreatment. I assume you have told him that you don't like these remarks and he has heard you. (If not, that is certainly the first step!)

Frankly, I think what I would do is show him this letter I'm writing to you and ask him to talk about whether he agrees with what I've said above. If he does agree, even to a small degree, then instead of insulting you in these ways he could simply talk to you about what a bad day he has had, what has gone wrong recently that makes him feel "small" or angry, etc. This would certainly be a better thing for both of you to talk about than his insults and your bad feelings about it.

Since you mentioned that this sometimes happens when you are watching a movie, I wonder if he might be doing this for attention. Does he complain that he doesn't get enough attention? Could it be that he is angry because he wants to cuddle or have sex or just talk about his day? If so, he should say what he wants clearly and not be expecting you to "guess." (Certainly his critical remarks are not a good way for him to invite you to feel close to him!)

Also, there's a topic at my web site that may relate to relationships like yours. It's about relationships in which one person is "controlling" and the other is "passive." You and he may want to check it out. It's at: http://www.HelpYourselfTherapy.com/topics/pascon.html

Thanks for an excellent question.

Tony Schirtzinger

This question was answered by Tony Schirtzinger.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

GoodTherapy.org Therapist Directory