your avatar   Sue (18 year-old woman)

I am a college student who lives in a dorm without a vehicle or much money. I am a freshman and reside in a communal living environment.

I try to reach out and make friends here on campus, but no one seems to want to talk with me ever. Am I really a boring person, or could it be that I just don't know how relate to my peers?


    Leya Aum,

Dear Sue,

I hear how hard it is starting your freshman year in a new place after coming from a communal living situation in which you were connected to people who were all around you all the time. Naturally you feel lonely. Many other women in the dorm and students you see on campus are also feeling lonely and having a hard time being away from the homes they are used to. Even people you see who are talking with others can be lonely.

Right now most of the time you're all by yourself. You are studying. You are going from class to class. You are lonely. Do you also sometimes enjoy your time alone?

Here are your questions: "I try to reach out and make friends here on campus, but no one seems to want to talk with me ever."

It's only the end of October, not "ever." Remember that it takes time to get to know people.

You ask if you are a boring person or if the problem lies in not knowing how to relate to your peers. I doubt if you're boring. If you think you may be, you can try taking an interest in other people. People love attention.

It could be that you don't know how relate to your peers. You would know if that's possible. You may have lived more with older people or children. You may be shy. Taking a sincere interest in others helps bridge the beginning of relating to others.

You can invite someone in class to do something small, like have coffee or even study something together. It's a risk. If it doesn't work with one person, try other interesting people. Look around and see who you're interested in knowing.

You can also see about joining clubs and groups of people who have interests similar to yours. Think about how you get to know someone, how you like to meet someone. You can even practice by writing in your journal. Then take a risk and go out and meet some new people.

Best regards,

Leya Aum, MA, MFCC

This question was answered by Leya Aum. She is California licensed marriage, family, child counselor certified in clinical hypnosis. She teaches Feldenkrais Method® of Neuromuscular Relearning, is practitioner of the Bowen Technique and Jin Shin Jyutsu®. She is also human resources consultant, writer and editor.

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