No sex drive
I am a 27 year-old female. I have been married to my husband for 4 years, but have been living with him for about 10 years. In the beginning we had a very good sex life. For the past 6 years, I have had little desire to have sex. We are sexually active about once a month and usually because my husband is so frustrated that he is begging for it. I feel horrible about the situation and my husband has turned to others to satisfy his needs. I'm not sure how much more of this we can take. Please help me!
First of all don't feel like you are alone with this problem. Millions of women are dealing with this same issue of low sex drive or no sex drive at all. I would first recommend that you make an appointment to see your OB/GYN. Sometimes, a loss of sex drive could be due to hormonal imbalance. Stress could also be a reason for lost of sex drive.
If there are no physical reasons for your lost of sex drive it could be more psychological than physical. Although sex physical interaction is physically related, desire starts with mental stimuli. You stated that in the beginning you had a very good sex life. My question to you is what made it good then? What are you not doing now that you did back then? Sometimes a moment of reflection will give us the questions we have in the present. Provided there is no physical restrictions currently, there is no reason for you not to be able to have a good sex life again.
If I may make a suggestion that both you and your husband write down on a piece of paper the things you dislike about your sexual relationship now. On a separate piece of paper write what you liked about your sexual relationship in the beginning when your sex life was good.
Once you have completed your lists compare them with each other. I'm sure you will both find certain things that maybe you were never aware of before. Discuss with each other the likes and dislikes on both lists. Try to deal with the dislikes of your sex life in a honest open way and work through each issue for a solution.
As for the positive things on the list I suggest you start right away to put them back in practice. If it worked for you in the beginning it can work for you again. If you both love each other, work through this period and don't give up on each other or your marriage.
If you find that in trying to work through these issues and feel you are getting nowhere, you may want to consider seeking a professional marriage counselor or sex therapist for help.
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