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November 18, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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My libido disappeared


I just recently turned 18. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and love him very much. I am constantly depressed. That started about 6 months ago. Right about the time I lost my sex drive. I started seeing my boyfriend when I was 15. We started fooling around about 2 months into our relationship. We didn't actually go all the way for quite awhile and we've only done that twice. Fooling around was always enough for me. But now I'm not interested in that at all.

What is a possible reason that my sex drive disappeared when it was so strong at 15 and 16? Could this be a stem from my depression?

Krissy (18 year-old woman) from Michigan


Dear Krissy,

I don't understand your being "constantly depressed." Do you think of being "constantly depressed" matter-of-factly? Is being "constantly depressed" just another way to be? I wonder what you mean when you say you're depressed. And I wonder what you're constantly unhappy about. What do you know about your being depressed?

And yes, if you are constantly depressed, you can't feel very sexy at the same time. You are one person. You can't be depressed just in your head. Being depressed affects the efficiency with which all your nerves communicate. Don't you agree? You can't feel depressed and sexual at the same time. Being sexual is more childlike and happy. Being curious and interested don't go with feeling depressed.

How else does being "constantly depressed" affect your life? What can you do about being depressed? What about an exercise regime? Have you considered seeing a therapist about your depression? What about drawing, painting, dancing, writing or another way to express your feelings? What about being in your body? Among the ways you can come into your body is taking Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement classes. The Feldenkrais Guild at http://www.feldenkrais.com can help you locate a teacher in your area.

You said, "I just recently turned 18. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and love him very much."

How do you love him now? Surely your feelings have grown and changed since you started seeing your boyfriend at 15. Do you keep a journal or a notebook in which to contain your private writing? You could do some writing, thinking, musing about how you love your boyfriend now.

All the best,

Leya Aum, MA, MFCC

This question was answered by Leya Aum. She is California licensed marriage, family, child counselor certified in clinical hypnosis. She teaches Feldenkrais Method® of Neuromuscular Relearning, is practitioner of the Bowen Technique and Jin Shin Jyutsu®. She is also human resources consultant, writer and editor.

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