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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

submit your question

Am I gay?


What does it mean when I find a woman's body more sexually arousing to me that a man's? Why do I enjoy masturbating alone more than having sex with my husband? For many years I have wondered if I am gay. But I have never been with a woman.


Sexual orientation is not necessarily black or white. There is a lot of gray in the middle. Alfred Kinsey, back in the mid-40s, talked of a seven point scale, a continuum where at one extreme are those who are 100 percent heterosexual and at the other extreme are those who are 100 percent homosexual. Most people, however, fall somewhere in between. A true bisexual would be 50/50 and fall a the exact middle of this continuum, and would be called a "Kinsey Three." There are probably not many Kinsey Threes... most people will lean one way or the other.

No one will be able to tell you where you fall on this continuum, although it is clear that you are not 100 percent heterosexual.... or 100 percent homosexual. If you have not already done so, you should talk to a qualified professional, as you decisions will effect your marriage and you will need to carefully examine your thoughts, your fantasies, and your feelings. Unfortunately, the answers you come up with will probably be within that gray area. But I guess if you were 100 percent one way or the other, you would not have had to ask the question!

Best wishes as you work your way through this and find some sense of happiness in where you end up.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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