Too quick to orgasm


Too quick to orgasm


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Seven years after my marriage I am facing problem of premature ejaculation. The first five years were very enjoyable. Usually we have sex three times a week. Each intercourse took half an hour to one hour initially. Gradually this time duration got reduced. Now after seven years it takes only three to five minutes to ejaculate when my wife hasn't even started getting aroused. What can I do? Have I lost all my stamina? Please advise as early as possible. Thank you!


    Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist

Let me begin by stating that it is more unusual for a man to last 30 to 60 minutes with vigorous intercourse than it is for a man to last three to five minutes! In fact, the average length of time that a healthy man can thrust nonstop is probably no more than three to four minutes.

You had said that this does not allow time for your wife to become aroused. I have to wonder, are you beginning intercourse before she is aroused? Most women do need a fair amount of time, but usually this is with foreplay... a lot of kissing, fondling, and manual or oral stimulation of their clitoris. In fact, the majority of women will not orgasm during intercourse, no matter how long their partner can last! Talk to your wife about her orgasms. What works best for her.

It might be that you lasted longer in the beginning of your relationship because you were having intercourse more often. If your wife agrees, try increasing your frequency. Also, be sure your wife is highly aroused before you make penetration (and don't neglect to insure that she has an orgasm... before, during or after). Thrust more slowly and stop each time you feel you are getting close to your point of no return.

Try laying passively on your back and allowing your wife to be on top and to do all the moving, Most men last longer in this female superior position... and it works better for a lot of women if they are on top and in control.

A sex therapist could teach you some techniques that might help you gain a bit more control, or you might try reading a self-help book. Dr. Helen Kaplan has written one titled PE: Overcoming Premature Ejaculation and I have one titled Male Sexual Endurance: A Man's Book About Ejaculatory Control. Most important.... do not worry, for this will only get in the way of you and your wife enjoying your time together. If you are getting upset each time you ejaculate faster than you think you should, that is going to ruin it for you wife and she might become reluctant to start, knowing how it will end.

Loving sex is about enjoying each other... not about stamina!

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit:


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