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November 17, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Stuck in the closet?


Most people may think that, being 14 years old, I cannot say for sure what my sexuality may be. I am almost sure of myself that I am bisexual. I've known for about a year now, but have never told a soul, not even my own diary. I can't even tell my best friend of nearly 7 years, but I feel like I want to tell her.

The problem is that I'm afraid we won't be able to joke around like we used to, because she and I always pretend to be lesbians (not the full fledged, no kissing, but we'll just pretend a little to scare our friends). And I'm afraid if I tell her, I won't be able to joke around with her like that. The thing is that I think she might be bisexual too because at the last party she went to she freak-danced with another girl, and by the way she speaks she sounds like she enjoyed it. But I have a feeling that she won't accept the truth if she IS 'bi'.

I don't know how to deal with this all. Please, PLEASE help me! This is such a big thing to me right now and I really need advice. What should I do?

Tina (14 year-old woman)


I have several thoughts on this, but no good answers. The answer must be one that you arrive at on your own. My first thought, however, is that it is not totally uncommon for people in their early teens to experience bisexual feelings. In a sense, when hormones are raging, there are times a teenage boys could become aroused looking at a tree!

However, my second thought is that most people become aware of their orientation gay, straight or bi, before they reach adulthood.

My third thought is that coming out has its risks, for once exposed to one person, you have no control over who they will tell. One must be sure what and to whom announcements about orientation are made. I think a rule of thumb would be, "It is better to tell too few quite late than to tell quite a number too early!"

The most important thing about orientations is one's ability to accept it and to always feel good about it, and the most important thing about making a decision about coming out is to be sure it is a decision you can live with.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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