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November 16, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Oral dilemma


My girlfriend and I have been having sex for about six months now. Our sex life is good and it is rare that she doesn't orgasm during intercourse. But ever since we started having sex, I have only gotten her to orgasm with oral sex once. She orgasmed quickly with oral sex before intercourse. Why can't she orgasm reliably during oral sex?

21 year-old man


This is a mystery! The majority of women have difficulty reaching orgasm with intercourse and do much better when being stimulated orally. There is no physical reason for your partner to stop having orgasms with the oral stimulation after the two of you began having intercourse.

If she is indeed having orgasms during intercourse, she might be holding back from having them with the oral stimulation. Women who are able to orgasm during intercourse often describe that orgasm as a more intense climax than they get with the oral stimulation. The difference might be that during orgasm, the muscles around the opening of the vagina contract and when there is a penis inside, the walls have something to contract around. Usually, be it with oral or with penile-vaginal intercourse, it is the stimulation of the clitoris that triggers the orgasm. However, it is not surprising that some women have their preferences as to how they want to get there. Perhaps your partner is just wait for the opportunity to orgasm the way she likes it best... plus many women feel closer to their partner when their bodies are genitally coupled.

Talk to your girlfriend about it. After all, she is the expert on her body and can best describe to you what is and is not happening.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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