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October 19, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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What's wrong with celibacy?


I'm a college-educated female who's never had a sexual relationship. Frankly, I've never wanted one. I've had several platonic relationships with men. They were quite romantic at times, but never sexual. Generally, although I have many friends, I often prefer being alone. I've always been independent; I was an only child and have always been something of a loner. It's never bothered me, and I've never had much interest in sex.

I've lived alone for three years now, and enjoy it. Friends and family have always marveled at the fact that I've never wanted to be sexually involved with anyone. I've been accused of being a prude, of having been traumatized or abused as a child (I wasn't) or of not being in touch with my sexuality. None of that is true. I don't have any religious convictions--sex is great, for some people. I'm just not interested.

Why do people assume that there's something wrong with me simply because I'm not interested in sex? I resent being treated as some kind of oddity because I choose to be celibate. My parents keep pushing me to date, telling me that it's not healthy to live alone. Why can't people be accepting of my choice? Why is it the general consensus that we all have to be ruled by our libidos to be healthy?

Claire (25 year-old woman)


So... What's so wrong with celibacy? Nothing! It is a matter of individual choice, and this choice can be based on a lot of personality and biological variables. There are obviously those who want to guess what your decision is based on, and that may provide another answer to the question.

What's so wrong with celibacy? Well, it certainly makes other people become intrusive. It confuses them, frustrates them, and may even anger them. You know how difficult it is for some people to accept other people who are different! Some might argue that a celibate person will never have children, but these are probably the same people who say that every woman should want sex and every woman should have children.

What's so wrong with celibacy? Well, it makes a lot of people feel that they have the right to dictate how every woman should be. Somehow, I like my first answer best... Nothing... nothing is wrong with celibacy. There is something wrong with people who are grandiose enough to believe that they alone know how the world and everybody in it should be. What ever happened to free choice?

There would be a problem, of course, if you became serious about a man who wanted frequent and spontaneous sex. It is a well-kept secret, but there are men who are driven by their hormones, and a long-term relationship built on friendship is a lot more stable than one built on sex. Just be you, enjoy your independence, and be considerate and understanding of those who are unable to pay you the same respect.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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