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February 21, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Can't get off

Question:

I am an 18 year-old female who has only had sex with one person. I still continue to have sex with him. And I doubt if I will even enjoy sex with someone else besides him. In fact, I fear he has ruined it for me.

I have never once had an orgasm, I have tried everyway to get one and now I know it's impossible. When I have sex with my boyfriend, and we are in the missionary position, I can't feel a thing, let alone enjoy it. To me sex is something that should please both of us, but I am never satisfied. I have thought about this and it might be because his penis is unusually small. I have never thought size mattered but I know lately it does. Do I explain this to him, or just stop having sex with him?

Leslie, 18-year-old woman

Answer:

Do not become discouraged and begin to doubt your ability to enjoy sex. I would, however, urge you to broaden your definition of what sex is, for it is more than just intercourse. You say that you have tried everything to reach orgasm, but have you? Has your boyfriend performed oral sex on you? Cunnilingus, oral sex on the woman, is very effective for many women and many will reach orgasm with this stimulation but not with intercourse. Have you experimented with a vibrator? Vibrators work best when used on the clitoris, which is your most sensitive area... and which is located outside your vagina. A vibrator can be used in certain positions during intercourse and add to the sensations. Many women have had their first orgasm with a vibrator... most often alone at first.

A woman is likely to feel little in the missionary position if the man is small and if he is low between her legs and thrusting directly into her vagina. She is not receiving much stimulation around the opening of her vagina and certainly is receive nothing around her clitoris. Trust me... a lot of women begin to lose interest as intercourse begins and wonder, "Is that all there is?"

Things that might help: After penetration is made, close your legs and have your partner move up on your body so that his penis goes down over your clitoris as he thrusts. It will help also if his thrusts are short (which will work well also for your partner because of his shorter penis).

Learn about the Kegel exercises and practice squeezing what are called your PC muscles. These are the muscles that make up your pelvic floor and surround the opening of your vagina. They are also the muscles that contract during orgasm. Squeeze those muscles during intercourse... you will not be able to hold the contraction for long, as these muscles automatically relax. So, squeeze and hold, then relax. then squeeze again. This will push blood down into your genital area, will allow you to grip your partner's penis, and might even help you reach orgasm (if you are getting sufficient stimulation of your clitoris).

Most women, if they care about a man, will not stop having sex with him because he is not well endowed. However, it does call for some creativity! Do you get on top of him? Most women find this gives them more control and provides more stimulation than the missionary position. On top, you should lean forward, stay in close, and slide from front to back. Find what you must do to maintain stimulation of your clitoris in this position. You will be in control, so find what works for you.

Read more, learn more, experiment more. Sex should be fun, so don't give up!

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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