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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Nine months without


Dear Experts,

My husband and I were a sexually satisfied pair before he learned I was pregnant in February, 2000. Recently his lack of desire for me is taking a heavy emotional toll and I am deeply hurt. While he is still very kind and sweet to me he has said, "as soon as I found out you were pregnant, I lost sexual interest in you." It does not bother him at all and in fact he feels his response is natural. He looks forward to us resuming a normal sex life after the baby.

Is this response to pregnancy in one's partner normal? Is it possible that we will ever recover our previous sex life? Thanks so much.

Ellen (33 year-old woman)


It is not typical for a man to lose sexual interest in his wife early in a pregnancy, but neither is it unheard of. A man might suddenly go from seeing their wife as a lover to seeing their wife as a mother-to-be. He could think of her as hot and desirable as his lover, but... well, mothers are something else.

Some men worry that they will somehow dislodge the fetus and back off from intercourse. In reality, unless it is a high-risk pregnancy, intercourse need not be avoided.

At the time of my writing, you will be entering your final trimester, and your waistline has surely expanded considerably. Now is the time when some women begin to lose desire as their bodies undergo physical and hormonal changes. However, some actually find their sexual appetite increasing, while for most, there is little change other than having to experiment with a few positions that are more comfortable.

It might help if your husband would talk to your doctor or you might even consider getting a little couples counseling. With about three more months to go and then the postpartum adjustment, you are still looking at a fairly long period of avoidance. I don't think the two of you should wait in hopes that he will suddenly turn on to you again after you give birth. I think your hurt deserves some attention and your husband must realize that despite your expanding waistline, you still need physical attention.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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