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November 16, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Considerate sex


Which is the best way to have anal sex with a woman? What is most comfortable for her? I don't want to hurt her...

25 year-old man


The short answer is that the best way to have anal sex with a woman is with her permission! The long answer is that it takes a lot of time and patience, and I just don't mean on a given night... I mean over a long period of time. Remember, the anus is built to expel, not to take in, and muscles around the opening must naturally stay tight. A woman needs to learn how to relax those muscles and this is not easy.

A few hints: First, be happy with vaginal intercourse and forget about anal sex! Second, if you must investigate this with an interested and cooperative woman, remember that there is a lot of bacteria in and around the anus. One you put something (a finger, a dildo, or your penis) into an anus, you should never then put it into the woman's vagina... never! You should, of course, wear a condom for anal sex, because of the risk of packing you-know-what up the end of your penis. If you carefully remove that condom and then wash you hands, her vagina is back on limits.

Never assume that you can start with your penis. A woman (who is eager and willing to learn) must first learn to be careful with you inserting a finger. You then can move up to a dildo that is smaller than your erection. Only after she has really learned to relax and feels that she will experience some please from anal intercourse should you slowly penetrate with your latex-covered penis.

From the very beginning, any penetration should begin with gradually working a lot of safe lubrication into the woman's anus. There are specific products made for anal penetration, many with a special applicator so that the lubrication can be delivered internally.

There are men and women who enjoy anal intercourse, but it is not for beginners and it is not for the careless. It requires mutual consent, patient practice, and a willingness to abandon the idea of the product is pain and not pleasure. Stay aware, however, of the health risks.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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