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September 26, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Who is the oral sexpert?


I need to know if oral sex with a woman would be more pleasurable than a man. Men don't seem to understand that a woman needs time and that she may be shy in asking for what she wants or needs. I feel that another woman would understand these needs/wants and would be able to make her partner more at ease and able to express what they desire to a fuller extent.

Kay Boo (34 year-old woman)


There are really two obvious issues implied: There is first the wondering which gender would be most understanding of a woman's needs when it comes to cunnilingus. Then there is the issue of receiving oral pleasuring from a member of the same sex. My immediate response is that the best cunnilingus is delivered by a person of the gender to which you are sexually attracted, but that is a rather facetious response. Most readers will admit, however, that the gender of the person on the other end of the tongue really does matter in being able to relax and accept pleasure.

I think it is an error to assume that all men cannot listen, learn and adapt their pleasuring in response to the feedback from a woman. Not every men can or will, but let's not toss all of us guys out of the bedroom (unless you are a lesbian)! True, some men think they are born experts (sexperts) and will not ask or if told will not remember. But it is important for women in the equation to be sexually assertive, to ask for what they want, to give directions, and to expect the attention they deserve.

Men and lesbians will concur that not all women like the same thing, and the exquisite art of cunnilingus depends on at least two qualities of the relationship: The couple's mutual enthusiasm and the couple's ability to communicate. Male or female connoisseurs of this activity love giving this oral pleasure and listen carefully to learn the best way to bestow it! Gender is not the issue. Desire to please, joy in giving, and the ability to listen and learn will work every time!

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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