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November 16, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Lesbian turned bi?


I have known that I like women for the past 3 years and I was diagnosed with clinical depression 2 and a half years ago. I denied my sexuality to myself and would not accept I was sexually attracted to women. I tried to make myself believe I was straight by sleeping with men and not even looking at women.

At the beginning of this year I learnt to accept I was a lesbian and was doing well. I came out of my depression with flying colors and have been happy since, but a week ago I met a male and cannot get him out of my head. We were at a club and met there. We played mind games with each other by dancing with others and looking into each others eyes from across the room. I was talking with one of his friends and confessed I was gay. The male then left the club and went home without even blinking at me. He told his friend he was upset and needed some space.

I am extremely confused and need to know: can I just change from being a lesbian to being bisexual? Is it worth pursuing this male, or is it just a phase?

Kristy, 19-year-old woman


Dear Kristy,

The adolescent growth spurt pumps lots of hormones into your body and brain, and during your emerging sexuality it is common for you to experience strong feelings toward women, toward men, and to be confused. The clinical depression you describe tended to complicate the question of your sexual orientation simply because of the chemical imbalance and anti-depressant medicines.

Because you are 19, I strongly urge you to embrace the idea that things are still getting sorted out for you, and that if you keep an open mind and continue to experience attraction to, and exciting sexual behavior with, members of both genders, that you have probably escaped the crippling socialization that is homophobic and are flexibly able to enjoy a wider variety of sexuality than more restricted people. If you keep an open mind and find yourself polarizing - i.e., progressively more attracted to one gender and with progressive ambivalence toward the other, that will answer this question for you.

This also means that if you commit to a monogamous relationship that you are thereby foregoing extra-relationship sex with either gender.


This question has been answered by Dr. William Fitzgerald, a.k.a. Sexdoc. He is a bona fide sex therapist. He is one of the sex therapists at the Silicon Valley Relationship and Sexuality Center, in Santa Clara, California. For more of Dr. Fitzgerald’s work, visitors can check out Ask the Sex Doc, his website devoted to answering questions about sex therapy, sexuality, and relationships.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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