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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Is my husband gay?


I recently found a charge on one of my husband's credit cards for an Internet web site that I was curious about. I pulled up the site and it turned out to be Playgirl! My husband and I are very much dedicated Christians.

Do you think that this is just a fantasy? Should I confront him about it? Do you think that he may be gay? Please help!!!

Susan (23 year-old woman) from CA.


Dear Susan,

A look at a nude man's body does not a queer make! If that were the case, all men in communal showers would be dating each other! There are many reasons why a man would pay to look at beautiful male bodies. American society imposes a harsh standard for looks. For every "Barbie" there is a "Ken," and woe to the woman or man who doesn't measure up! Men are socialized not to show emotions; to be tender is to be a sissy; and not to show overt affection to other men. Many young men were traumatized in junior high school by being called a "homo" on the playground. And so many men are aware of an emptiness in their life, some wanting to have had a closer relationship with their fathers, and others just wanting "male bonding," to be accepted in the company of other men. Couple this with fantasies (and for some, realities) of "easy sex," and the attraction is easier to understand.

Only he knows if this is just a fantasy. And he could be bisexual or gay. It would not be until he has sexual experience with several men that he would be able to determine that. Some men and some women have their first homosexual experience in their thirties or forties to discover an incredible sense of peace, harmony, and love unfelt with the opposite gender. Others are aware of that yearning but stay married for "appearances" and the avoidance of societal condemnation.

I suspect that you would have preferred more reassuring comments, but this is the status.


This question has been answered by Dr. William Fitzgerald, a.k.a. Sexdoc. He is a bona fide sex therapist. He is one of the sex therapists at the Silicon Valley Relationship and Sexuality Center, in Santa Clara, California. For more of Dr. Fitzgerald’s work, visitors can check out Ask the Sex Doc, his website devoted to answering questions about sex therapy, sexuality, and relationships.

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