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September 25, 2017 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Love

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Later Bloomer

Question:

You have a similar question asked by a 19-year-old girl in an earlier question. You called her a late bloomer. Well I am 23 and have never had any intimacy with a man, never been on a date, never been kissed. I have male friends that I enjoy being with. I have even asked a few of them what's wrong with me and they said I am just like a good friend or sister. I have even asked a few guys out on dates and they said no.

I have low self-esteem and am very quiet. It is hard for me to open up to people. It takes me years to develop friendships. My friends tell me the moment will just come. Well it never has for me. So now what? I can't seem to develop a normal healthy intimate relationship.

23 year-old woman

Answer:

I don't know who called the 19 year old a "late bloomer," but I would not have done so... and certainly would not label a 23 year old as such... or even a 35 year old. There is no right time to begin dating, to experience intimacy, to fall in love, or to have sex. Everyone "blooms" in their own time... and in their own way.

It is certainly true that the older a person (man or woman) gets, the harder it is to meet someone. Most people out of school meet people through their jobs. Singles bars work for some, but not those who are shy or uncomfortable in this "game playing" environment. The chances of meeting someone in church or temple is slim and the old notion of meeting your soul mate in a grocery store is pure fantasy.

The dating services work! The more information that is collected the better the chances of meeting someone with similar interests. The object is not to fall in love at first sight or to be overwhelmed with sexual chemistry on first smell. When one has little or no experience dating, the name of the game is to first work on the basics... love and lust will happen in their own time (and not necessarily in the order given). I have also know a lot of single folks who found compatible friends and partners in singles clubs, although many are pretty heavy on the side of those who are divorced or widowed.

Stay optimistic, stay active and stay visible.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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