My boyfriend of three years and I have been engaging in wonderful and pleasing sex for two years, but he is always insecure because he cannot orgasm more than once within several hours. He can engage in intercourse for any amount of time with no dysfunction; I have never been left displeased. I have tried to convince him one orgasm for a man is normal, but until he sees the answer from a legitimate source, he will not stop being so insecure.
Please tell me, is it normal for a man to not be able to orgasm more than once during a sexual encounter?
Thousands of dollars have been made by those who claim they can teach men to be multi-orgasmic. In over thirty years as a sex therapist, I have never met a man who has learned to do so. Plus, if you read the claims carefully, it seems that the best they can promise is a partial orgasmic experience, achieved by holding back the full-blown event. I for one cannot believe the result is worth the effort.
You are certainly right in telling your boyfriend that most males experience one orgasmic explosion per event and require a bit of time to recoup before being able to ejaculate again. This required resting period has been called the "refractory period" by the sex therapy pioneers Masters & Johnson. Young men tend to have shorter refractory periods than older men, but regardless of age, the vast majority of men must wait before being able to ejaculate again.
To be honest, there are some men who seem to have been born with a relatively short refractory period, but there is no evidence that this can be learned. It's a bit like being born with the potential to be tall or short. No matter how much you stretch, our bodies do set some limits. A major task in life is to accept who we are and appreciate the abilities we were born with. The good news is that a single male orgasm is still a pretty phenomenal peak experience, and the vast majority of men are quite happy with the event.
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit: http://www.oralcaress.com/