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October 21, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Looking for clues


I know a lot of people say this but I am extremely sexually active, not that I have sex with a lot of people (I've had 8 sexual partners), but in terms of frequency (I can't remember 3 consecutive days without it). I tell you this because my question has to deal with something I really should know by now and people have asked me it numerous times and I give them my best answer, but knowing the female gender so well I know that they are tricky and complicated and are all extremely different, so it is difficult to say what's true for one is true for all.

My question is, are there ANY physical/biological traits to female orgasms? Like with us males no matter how good of an actor we are, we could be freaking Tom Hanks, but if you don't see a cloudy, white, sticky fluid, then you know there is still more of the mountain you need to climb. What I want to know, is if there is any physical trait that is involuntary, or most common for females when they climax (i.e. nipples are not erect during a female orgasm? And please don't tell me things like "heavy breathing", "contraction of muscles", "grunting" or responses that any moron could "learn" just by watching a porn or anything. I'm looking for a concrete scientific response here.. if you don't know then just say so.

Thank you very much,

Shamrock, 21year-old man


Well Sir, I can certainly appreciate your desire to know the exact sign that a woman has really reached an authentic orgasm. Thank you for the option of saying "I don't know." However, I do know and the answer is, "There really is no reliable outward signal of this climactic event!" My suggestion is simple: ASK THE WOMAN!

You will not know by erect nipples, because some women's nipples will firm up just by becoming aroused. However, they will also become erect if a woman is cold or if she is nervous!

You didn't want to hear about contractions, but this is the scientific hallmark of a female orgasm. The problems is that regardless of how intense these contractions might feel to the woman (or to the researcher's computer), most men cannot feel them around their penis or fingers. Plus, a woman intent on faking an orgasm can voluntarily squeeze these muscles.

Incidentally, women who fake orgasms often do it with men who are overly concerned about making her climax.

A small percentage of women will expel a clear watery fluid from their urethral opening (where urine comes from) that is called the "female ejaculation." This is not typical and cannot be expected of most women. It is a sure sign for some women, but not reliable if trying to guess about all women.

Bottom line....as you said, women are different and each should be appreciated for their uniqueness. Stop trying to learn the "for sure" signs and signals and learn how to communicate with a woman. Learn to ask what feels good and what works (if anything). Accept that some women do not orgasm easily and do not make them feel self-conscious about this.

Learn to have fun without keeping score!

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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