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February 19, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Slowing down

Question:

I have been married for 6 years and I enjoy sex. I have problem of coming fast and not enjoying the sexual intercourse. I have tried every thing including visiting a specialized doctor and a prescription for me to try a medicine but all without any progress.

What can I do to enjoy sexual contact as long as possible?

W. Belair (35 year-old man)

Answer:

Rapid or premature ejaculation is the number one male sexual complaint among men under the age of 45. It is usually the result of four things. First of all, nature did not build men to last forever, as nature's intent is procreation... not recreation. Second, the men who ejaculate the fastest seem more sensitive to the sexual stimulation. Third, rapid ejaculators more often become super excited and caught up in the erotic excitement, and fourth, rapid ejaculators are typically more anxious (nervous/worried) than those men who have better control.

Medicines rarely work, because they only address a small part of the problem. It is possible, however, for most men to learn better ejaculatory control, but it takes time, it takes practice and it takes a cooperative and understanding partner. I have seen too many attempts on the Internet for someone to try to give a quick (but incomplete) answer to questions about lack of ejaculatory control. Being told you have to start and stop does not help if the reader does not know when to do this and why they should be doing it. Being told to relax often is a waste of breath... when was the last time you told someone to stop worrying, and they did?

I'll try a short answer, but it will be a hop, skip and a jump across the important information you would need to really do this learning process well. You must learn to anticipate your approach to that point of no return (the point of ejaculatory inevitability) and before getting there, you must stop. You must pay attention to your inner feelings, sensing yourself settling down. Once under control, start moving again.... slowly. Once more pay close attention to your climb toward that point of inevitability and once more stop before getting there. Do this starting and stopping from six to eight times during your lovemaking episodes. Eventually you will find yourself lasting longer before having to stop. I also recommend that the man lay on his back and remain passive, letting the woman move.

To really get the full picture of what is happening and what you must do to change things, buy a book that outlines the process. My book, Male Sexual Endurance, lays out a plan, as does the book by Dr. Helen Kaplan titled PE: Overcoming Premature Ejaculation. There is also a helpful video titled You Can Last Longer. You can learn about these educational products on my website at http://oralcaress.com.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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