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May 21, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Question:

I have been with my partner for over a year. However, I feel quite shy in the bedroom with him and not able to act out my fantasies or feel as sexy as I want to. I know that in the past he has enjoyed oral sex and I unfortunately have never dared with him as it makes me feel sick thinking that they are unclean and guys pee out the same hole. Its Valentine's Day soon, and I really like to please him, what should I do? Any tips on making it appear less gross or on making it quick?

shygirl (27 year-old woman)

Answer:

It is hard sometimes to undo the feeling that something is "gross," for often that feeling is not based on reality. Penises and elbows are dirty until washed, and then they are clean. I wouldn't expect you to want to suck on a dirty elbow any more than a dirty penis... but body parts do clean up with a little soap and water. And then there is the issue of "pee," which in reality is pretty darn sterile. It is acidic and unless the guy has a whopping bladder or prostate infection, it is pretty devoid of any bacteria. There is no reason a clean penis would be gross. The idea might gross some women out, but that funny male appendage when properly groomed can in no way be considered gross.

The taste of the skin on a penis is no different from the taste of that man's skin on any other part of his body. There is, however, a pre-ejaculate (comes from Cowper's gland which is located about an inch inside the man's body) and a little of this sticky fluid seeps out when a man gets highly aroused. If a woman collects some saliva in her mouth before taking the penis into her mouth, she can effectively neutralize this mildly salty-tasting fluid. There should be nothing unpleasant here.

Many women who are quite comfortable orally stimulating a man for long periods of time, do not want to have the man ejaculate in their mouths (although others either spit or swallow). Men usually understand when a woman asks them to give fair warning before they ejaculate, and a some can get out of the way at the last minute and continue with manual stimulation to help their partner experience a satisfying orgasm. (Remember, if you are orally stimulating your partner, use your hands as well. Be enthusiastic about what you are doing and don't worry about specific techniques right now... there's time to perfect you skill later once you have become comfortable with the idea.)

Here is a trick you might try. After stimulating your partner short of orgasm, put a little artificial lubrication (I recommend Astroglide that you can buy in most pharmacies) into the tip of an unrolled DRY condom so that when you put it on him, that lubricant will be on the INSIDE of the rubber. Roll it down over the head of his penis with your fingers and then you can use your mouth to push it down further. If you suck just enough to get the condom to slide up and down with your mouth, your partner will feel a warm slippery sensation and, when he ejaculates, you can experience the orgasmic pulsing of his penis and the filling of the end of the condom without having to deal with the actual semen. (Some women actually prefer the taste of the semen over the taste of a latex condom!)

Just get out of your head with this "gross" stuff and have fun.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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