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November 18, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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I've got it backwards


I've been told before that women in their 20's can get an orgasm better by masturbation than having sex with a partner. Maybe that's wrong maybe that's right. I find it difficult to have an orgasm when I masturbate. I find that I get orgasms much more when I have sex than masturbate. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong?

Cookie (19 year-old woman)


Some women are quite comfortable masturbating and orgasm more easily when they do so. This is in part due to the fact that no one is waiting to see if they make it and, being an expert on their own bodies, they know exactly where to touch and what to do. Let me make it clear, however, that we are talking of women who are stimulating their own clitorises, which is the most effective way to reach orgasm.

Most women (probably around 65%) are unable to reach orgasm during intercourse, but most of these women will orgasm with their partner's oral or manual stimulation of their clitorises. There is nothing wrong with women who masturbate easily to orgasm and certainly nothing wrong with women who do not orgasm with this self-stimulation.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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