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November 21, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Kicking for pleasure


My new guy likes to be kicked in the testicles before sex. I refused to participate the first time he asked me to do this, so he took my foot and "kicked" himself with it. He really seemed to get off on it. I found the whole thing shocking. He also likes me to tell him what to do when we're in bed, and really gets off on doing anything with my feet, and I mean ANYTHING.

Why would a man get excited by being kicked in the balls? Is this desire tied to his likes-to-be-dominated desires? What cause an otherwise in control and self-assured guy to behave like that in bed? Should I worry about his tastes?

Chickadee (35 year-old woman) from Canada


You are 35 and I assume this new man in your life is at least your age. I would wonder what has happened in his previous relationships?

First, you asked why a man would like to be kicked in the balls. Beats me, but I am not surprised that a man possibly with foot fetish and masochistic needs might get some sort of pleasure out of pain delivered by your foot. I do not need to tell you that this is outside what in any stretch of the imagination could be called "normal."

Second, you wondered about his need to control. I suspect it is just a part of his unusual sexual fetish... the need to keep you "under foot," so to speak. I wonder what connotations you would have to the word "intimidation?" Does it feel that he needs to intimidate you... or that he needs you to intimidate him?

Third, sexual fetishes operate with some independence from the rest of a man's personality. It is the "Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde" shift in personality.

Fourth, if this man's behavior makes you uncomfortable, gets in the way of your own sexual pleasure, in some way humiliates you, or cause you to lose respect for him or yourself, run like hell! You must ultimately decide what you can live with!

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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