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May 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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No hands-free orgasms

Question:

I've been sexually active for 8 years and have only had an orgasm during intercourse once (no manual stimulation), the rest of the time I have had to masturbate to achieve orgasm.

From all my past sexual experiences, I have found that the only way I can achieve an orgasm is through manual clitoral stimulation.

My husband and I have tried to find my "G" spot, but we have no luck. If we found it, we wouldn't even know, because I don't get that "Oh my God" sensation. Sometimes, it feels like we may have found it, and he stimulates it, but it doesn't present any sexual arousal or feeling. So, I was wondering if there is any other advice you can give me on we can do a different way maybe, or if I am just doomed to have to masturbate all the time just to have an orgasm during sex.

Crystal (24 year-old woman)

Answer:

Some women are able to orgasm easily during intercourse, but the majority never make it. It is estimated that only about 35 percent of women can orgasm with intercourse alone. Despite all the hype about the G Spot, this area probably has little to do with a woman's orgasmic ability, as it is in an area not easily stimulated during intercourse (and anyway, it is not super sensitive in all women). Many of the women who do orgasm during intercourse are able to do so because of the position they are in. I strongly recommend the female superior position, with the woman on top, leaning forward, staying in close and thrusting from front to back (rather than hopping up and down). The woman must adjust her body to get maximum clitoral stimulation, because despite claims of magical A through Z Spots, for most women the area of greatest stimulation remains their clitoris!

If a couple is lying close together, man on top or woman on top, it is important to be in a position in which the man's penis passes down over the woman's clitoris. In the traditional "missionary position," with legs in the air and the man taking long thrusts directly into the woman's vagina, the clitoris is most likely going to be missed. The secret is to stay in close with the man high up on the woman's body if he is on top, or the woman low on the man's body if she is in the superior position. The shaft of the man's penis must be pressing against the woman's clitoris as each make short pelvic thrusts. In fact, they should not separate their pubic bones!

It is possible for some women to learn to orgasm during intercourse by changing the angle of the penetration. However, many other women use positions of intercourse in which they can reach down and rub their clitorises while the man is trusting slowly. The scissors position is ideal for this.

Remember, you are not alone and, in fact, are among the majority of women.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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