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October 19, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Not EVERY time

Question:

I'm a 19-year-old heterosexual male college student. I was recently talking to a couple friends of mine and this question came up:

A couple years ago I was going out with this girl that I had been seeing for about 2 years and we were sexually active. The only real complaint that I got from my girlfriend was that I didn't ejaculate all the time. I kept telling her that it wasn't important because everything was feeling good, and I didn't need to cum to have a sexually satisfying experience. I then told my friend about it and he thought it was crazy that I could actually get more satisfaction from pleasing my partner than myself. He said that it's not right for a guy NOT to cum during sex. So who's right? Am I abnormal because I don't need to? Or are there a lot of guys that feel the same way?

A12 (19 year-old man)

Answer:

There are a couple reasons why some men do not ejaculate during each encounter. First is that they might be having sex a bit more frequently than the body is able to handle. There is what has been called the "refractory period," and this is the time it takes each man to "reload his gun." It is possible to get erections and feel pleasure during the refractory period, but it is not possible to ejaculate.

Another obvious reasons is the consumption of alcohol. If it has been on occasions when you have been drinking, that could account for it.

Finally, there are just some men who do not ejaculate each and every time and no one knows why. It is unfortunate that your woman friend does not understand that a man can find pleasure in the sexual stimulation and in his partner's orgasm without having an orgasm himself. Yours is one of the better qualities of a man... to find pleasure in giving pleasure. Don't let your partner or your buddies cause you to worry about this.

Do watch your frequency if you want to increase your percentages. If you have a steady partner, do not masturbate in between your encounters and don't overdo it. On the other hand, I think you should just have fun, feel good about yourself, and continue to be a loving and giving partner... regardless of whether you ejaculate or not.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

For more information visit the site or contact information page on QueenDom.

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