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November 18, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Can't go over the edge


I was orally raped at 15, but have had help for it and I feel it no longer affects me. I can't orgasm; I can come close when he rubs my clit, but nowhere near when we have sex.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 months. I'm totally in love with him and hope to be with him for many years to come. My problem, however, is that I can't orgasm. I never have been able to in the past except when I used a stream of water for masturbation. My boyfriend can get me very close, like to the point where I want to explode, [by rubbing my clit] but I can't get past that point. I just can't let go. I really want to orgasm with my lover. Any suggestions?

Sata (17 year-old woman) from MN


A history of sexual abuse is not always the cause of later sexual problems. Some women just do not orgasm easily. I would suggest that if you are hoping to orgasm with your partner manually stimulating your clitoris that you practice manually stimulating your clitoris when you masturbate. Load up your head with a lot of sexual fantasies so that you are not worrying if you are going to make it or not. Exaggerate the tension you are feeling in your pelvis. Squeeze your vaginal muscles. Try holding your breath. Practice to see what sorts of triggers will work for you... and don't become discouraged.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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