Past trauma has ruined my sex life!


Past trauma has ruined my sex life!


your avatar   "theloki," 19-year-old woman

I hate sex. Maybe it's due to my past. My foster father molested me when I was 4. The first sexual experience that I enjoyed was with a 7-year-old girl when I was 9. I lost my virginity at 16 to a boy who couldn't perform without hitting me. I was raped twice when I was 16, by two different men. Both times I became pregnant, then miscarried. I've had to quit a job due to sexual harassment.

I don't consider myself to be attractive, but everyone tells me I'm pretty. I got married at 17 to the guy I had dated on and off for two years. He left me for a 15-year-old 3 months later. After he left me, I slept with 20 different guys, most of them without protection, trying to find someone to care about me. I was recently pregnant by my current boyfriend, which was an accident, but miscarried. I refuse to have sex with him anymore. I hate all physical contact, even hugging and kissing.

I need to know if there's something wrong with me. Is it normal to hate sex? Should I want sex, like it seems everyone else does? And if I should, how can I fix this problem?


    Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist

Repeated sexual trauma, pain and conflict will certainly impact one's desire for sex. If you wish to be in a healthy loving and sensual/sexual relationship, run (don't walk) to your nearest qualified sex and relationship therapist. Find one in Tucson by going to, the website of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit:


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