Past trauma has ruined my sex life!
QUESTION:
"theloki," 19-year-old womanI hate sex. Maybe it's due to my past. My foster father molested me when I was 4. The first sexual experience that I enjoyed was with a 7-year-old girl when I was 9. I lost my virginity at 16 to a boy who couldn't perform without hitting me. I was raped twice when I was 16, by two different men. Both times I became pregnant, then miscarried. I've had to quit a job due to sexual harassment.
I don't consider myself to be attractive, but everyone tells me I'm pretty. I got married at 17 to the guy I had dated on and off for two years. He left me for a 15-year-old 3 months later. After he left me, I slept with 20 different guys, most of them without protection, trying to find someone to care about me. I was recently pregnant by my current boyfriend, which was an accident, but miscarried. I refuse to have sex with him anymore. I hate all physical contact, even hugging and kissing.
I need to know if there's something wrong with me. Is it normal to hate sex? Should I want sex, like it seems everyone else does? And if I should, how can I fix this problem?
ANSWER:
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist
Repeated sexual trauma, pain and conflict will certainly impact one's desire for sex. If you wish to be in a healthy loving and sensual/sexual relationship, run (don't walk) to your nearest qualified sex and relationship therapist. Find one in Tucson by going to http://aasect.org, the website of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.
Bob Birch
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit: http://www.oralcaress.com/