Sexually shy partner


Sexually shy partner


your avatar   Sassyheart1 (27 year-old woman) from Australia

I have recently started a sexual relationship with a heterosexual man in his 30s. During our first (and only so far) sexual encounter he was surprised by my request for penetrative vaginal sex. He also was unsure about how to use a condom. He maintained an erection throughout the encounter but told me he hadn't had penetrative sex very often and wasn't sure what to do. He also told me he couldn't orgasm with a woman but only by himself. Attempted penetrative sex lasted a few minutes when he seemed to lose interest although maintained erection.

What are the possibilities of why he can't orgasm with a women? Could he have spent too much time masturbating by himself? How can I help him to learn?


    Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist

I can imagine that a shy man of 30 who has not had much sexual opportunity would be unfamiliar with vaginal intercourse, but this fellow appears quite naive as well. It is certainly possible that he has conditioned himself to firm masturbatory stroking and cannot respond to the lighter stimulation of vaginal containment. At the same time, wearing a condom would decrease his sensitivity somewhat... particularly if it is a dry condom.

He should abstain from masturbation and allow his sexual responsiveness to build. Also, you should be using lubricated condoms (it is the lubrication on the INSIDE of the condom that is most beneficial... giving the man the sensation of slipping and sliding). He might also (with your permission) try the "doggie position", which feels tighter.

Be patient and practice!

Bob Birch

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit:


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