Too tight for sex


Too tight for sex


your avatar   "Cinnamongirl," 20-year-old woman

I've only had one sexual partner to this point. I am engaged in a long distance relationship with a man, and many months ago we were extremely sexual, having sex almost 8 times in a 24-hour period for weeks straight. He has a very large penis, and he isn't *snipped*. He managed to visit me this past week, and it has been 8 months since we've seen each other or since either of us have been even remotely sexual. He was unable to have sex with me because he says that I am too tight, and it hurts him too much. He says that I have tightened up since the last time we were together, and until we can be together for good, he doesn't want to have sex because of the pain. He was talking about maybe getting circumcised, but he also isn't sure if that is best for him or not.

My question to you is, what can I do to remedy this problem that we are having? How can I loosen up my muscles safely without stretching them too much? And is there anything he can do so that it doesn't hurt him as much?


    Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., ACS Certified Sexologist

Obviously, bigger is not always better ... or at least initially. It is hard to understand how you could have such frequent intercourse initially with the man who now says you are so tight. Also, you made no mention of any pain on your end of things.

If you were not as well lubricated on your second attempted marathon that could explain some of his pain. If he is uncircumcised and if the foreskin does not slide easily over the head of his penis, this problem would be worsened if you are not highly aroused and well lubricated. If his pain is the result of a tight foreskin, he should consider having a little cosmetic surgery.

If you feel pain ... if he feels too big for you, then you really need to learn to relax your vaginal muscles as much as possible. If you are worried about how the encounter is going to go, you are likely to be both figuratively and literally up tight. Lots of lubrication will not compensate for psychological tension that gets translated into a tight vaginal opening.

Come to think of it, once through the inch or so of vaginal sphincter muscle, you should be looser inside. You could not have physically tightened up in the time between your encounters. Perhaps you were less aroused. However, if you were highly excited and very lubricated, I would guess it is more the problem of a tight foreskin.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.For more information visit:

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