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October 22, 2018 - Welcome Guest!

Advice » Sexpertise

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Problems with Hypertonocity


My problem is that I have been sexually active for 5 years and have never achieved orgasm. Through clitoral stimulation I think that I get very close to achieving orgasm, but the hypertonicity of my muscles becomes to intense that it becomes unbearably uncomfortable and I stop, or tell my partner to stop. I want nothing more than to orgasm, but quickly change my mind when this muscle tension becomes so intense. At times, I have almost wanted to kick my partner off of me.... I know many people suggest masturbation, but the same thing happens when I masturbate (with/without a vibrator). I just stop myself because I can't take the sensation anymore. Please, do you have any suggestions?

Nikki(20 year-old woman)


This is not unheard of . . . getting close to orgasm, going into the natural tensing (hypertonicity) of muscles, and then getting stuck. It can be exhausting and it can be painful . . . and it certainly is frustrating!

If you are using a battery operated vibrator, I would recommend a more intense electric vibrator. What you would want to do is build your arousal quickly and hope to break over the top before the hypertonicity causes you to stop.

Another suggestion . . . as your hypertonicity begins, exaggerate it. Arch your back, hold your breath, and bear down . . . keeping the hottest fantasy you can conjure up in your head. Again, the idea is to push more quickly through the hypertonicity before it becomes unbearable.

I am sure that there are those who would say that you need to learn to relax, but that does not take into consideration your need to go into the tensing phase in order to trigger your orgasm.

Sure wish I had a sure fire answer for this situation, because close does not count except in dancing and hand grenades. Getting close to orgasm and not making it is a real bummer.

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator

Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., is a retired sex therapist, now identifying himself as a sexologist and adult sexuality educator. He now devotes his time to writing educational and self-help books for adults.

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