Should I be skinnier?

Should I be skinnier?


your avatar   Jazzy, 18-year-old woman

Hi. My name is Jazzy and I am 18 years old. I am about 135 pounds and 5'8" tall. Although my doctor says I am right at the right weight for my body I feel that I am fat. I look in the mirror and see all of the bad things about me. Also, when I'm around my friends and guys I feel really big. I sometimes don't eat because I'd like to lose weight and I am also very active. Another reason is that the guy that I like likes somebody else who is skinnier than me, so I think I need to lose weight for him to notice me and for me to feel better about myself.

Please give me any ideas on how to lose weight and how to feel skinny around my friends.


    Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, LPC, LISAC, DCC

Hi Jazzy,

Your question is how to lose weight. If there are no thyroid problems that you suffer from which can make weight loss problematic or any other genetic problem, then the way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise moderately hard, but consistently.

The diet of Europe and America is often loaded with processed flour and heavy with simple carbohydrates that turn into sugar too quickly. This is not only unhealthy but adds useless pounds. A modified Atkins or South Beach diet is a much healthier choice. I agree with your doctor that your weight and height is within normal limits and if you lost more than 10 pounds it would probably not be healthy for you.

The real problem that I think you are suffering from though is even more common than diet problems. Most people suffer from extreme low self-esteem and from your stated reason for wanting to lose weight it is apparent that you find yourself lacking. I believe the reason for the prevalence of this problem is due to the crazy expectations that most people get taught by their parents and culture.

Most cultures expect perfection from their members even though logically they know quite well that no one will ever attain that goal. In addition when people are younger and have not had a lot of successes or passed enough life tests they are not as sure that they are capable or loveable. Both of these make it more likely that people judge themselves harshly and compare themselves endlessly over little differences that ultimately mean nothing.

Spend more time working on self-acceptance for being who you are and not on who else sees it. People find other people attractive for a number of reasons and often they are quite bizarre. Physical attraction has more to do with a how a person smells, their pheromones, than how they look outwardly. There is nothing you can do about your pheromones though.

Take care. Jef
Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT

This question was answered by Jef Gazley M.S. Jef has practiced psychotherapy for twenty-five years, specializing in Love Addiction, Hypnotherapy, Relationship Management, Dysfunctional Families, Co-Dependency, Professional Coaching, and Trauma Issues. He is a trained counselor in EMDR, NET, TFT, and Applied Kinesiology. He is dedicated to guiding individuals to achieving a life long commitment to mental health and relationship mastery. His private practice locations are Scottsdale and Tempe, Arizona. You can also visit Jef at the internettherapist, the first audiovisual mental health online counseling center on the net.For more information visit:

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