21 and lonely

21 and lonely

QUESTION:

your avatar   Lilian M. (21 year old woman) from U.S.A

I am 21 years old, nearing 22 and am pretty frustrated. I've never had a serious relationship, and have not had my share of dates either. And I admit, I am still a virgin -- not because of religious or personal choice but because I've never been close to anyone. I am quiet and socially insecure. I am usually afraid to speak up in class and can't usually pick up cues guys send my way. I am very oblivious! Although I spend most weekends at home, surfing the net, watching movies, or reading, I crave for a more active social life. I just don't know how to go about it. It has been a little over a year since I have been with a man. It left me sort of bummed since it did not work out. I am sure my insecurity played a role in this.

So this is my question: how can I get out there? Meeting guys and being a social butterfly? How can I be a (better) flirt? I am afraid that just waiting and hoping won't solve a thing, but I just don't know how to go about meeting new people or becoming a more sexual person. HELP! I am afraid the longer I wait the harder it will get for me to loosen up.

ANSWER:

    Tina Reed, MA, LPC

Dear Lilian M.

You may want to begin with going out with friends or relatives, even coworkers. Accompany them to their favorite hangouts and just be yourself. You don't have to be a flirt to get a date. Just be out there with your friends and be yourself and you will be found, and hopefully, by the right guy. You don't want just anybody. You're better off being unattached. Also, once you get out in the social arena, you will begin to feel more at ease. Don't worry about being sexual. We are all sexual beings by nature. When the right guy comes along, you want him to get to know the real you so, once again, just be yourself. Lastly, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.

Best of Luck,
Tina Reed, MA, LPC

This question was answered by Tina Reed, MA, LPC. Tina is a licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois, and is also certified by the National Resource Center for Family-Centered Practice.For more information visit: http://members.tripod.com/~mothereagle/Therapy.html

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